


Seam girl and merchant wife

by Narfff



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies), The Hunger Games (Movies) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Arranged Marriage, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-11-28 13:10:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18208745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narfff/pseuds/Narfff
Summary: When the war is over, men come back to Panem. Katniss losses her job and is desperate to find a way to help her family. Peeta Mellark might be the solution to all her problems.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic published. You don't have to be nice.  
> English is not my mother tongue.

Everyone was talking about the return of the baker’s son. In a small town like Panem every little life counted and a merchant life like Peeta’s meant a lot.

  
The war had taken him away, as it had happened with many others like him. First the adults were gone and then I had to see how little by little all my male classmates disappeared from town. Not that I was really good friends with any of them, except for Gale, but still I couldn’t help but feel lucky for being a woman.

  
When the men left, the women had to take men’s jobs and I was one of the lucky girls who got a job in the mine, getting paid the same salary a man would, which meant that I was able to support my family and even save some money for a rainy day.

  
When men came back, they took back their jobs and I was one of the unlucky girls who lost her job in the mine, which meant that I had to go back to hunting, trading and spending what I had saved if hunting did not go well.

  
It is quite understandable that I was quite spiteful about the comeback of the men. It was true that not all of them were coming back, many lives had been lost and I couldn’t help but feel cheerful somehow when I heard that someone’s husband or son was coming back soon, but still, after three years earning a men’s salary, I felt like they were taking something away from me.

  
It was not the same when Gale came back. For me, that meant a lot. My best friend was coming back and that meant I again had a hunting partner, a friend to trust, someone to confide in. Prim and my mother were OK for conversations and stuff, but sometimes I wanted to talk with someone my own age and Gale was the person I trusted the most.

  
During his absence I had found an unexpected friend in Madge Undersee, the Mayor’s daughter. Since her mother was very usually ill she came by our house to buy some remedies from my mother and she invited me so many times to her house for tea that I finally felt necessary to go. The first time was awkward, but after a couple of times I felt comfortable around her, maybe not as comfortable as I used to feel with Gale, but comfortable enough to think of her as my friend.

  
Madge and I did not really belong together. Our looks were completely different and we belonged to two different social classes. She was blonde, with blue eyes and clear and soft skin, delicate hands and nice clothes, while I was a dark tomboy who owned two dresses.  
She did me good, somehow. She made me think of stuff besides work, safety and hunger, the three things that had been the center of my life since my father had died when I was 12. She lent me books, novels mostly, about love and stuff. She made me go to the movies with her, she gave me nice clothes that she assured me did not fit her anymore and she showed me how to wear lipstick, how to do my hair and how to walk on heels.

  
All that had felt good for a while and for some time I thought that was what my life was going to be: men’s salary, nice clothes, love novels and a full belly. Could I have been more wrong? When I was sacked I found myself again where I started: work, safety and hunger, and the life that Madge had showed me now looked superficial and shallow.

  
We did not stop seeing each other or anything but I did not read her books anymore, I did not go with her to the movies and I only wore nice things to church and that’s it.

  
Gale came back and things seemed to be the way they were before the war, with only one difference: everyone was getting married or trying to get married.

  
The fever started one week after the first men came back from war. Some couples had been separated for years and men were in a hurry to get married to the women who had been waiting for them. Houses were being built, repaired and sold everywhere, women were buying a ton of things for their new houses and they were all opening businesses: men investing what they had earned during the war and women what they had saved.

  
Those unlucky who did not have anyone waiting for them during the war were running fast looking for girls to date and marry. I once heard Greasy Sae say that they just wanted to get laid but I was not so sure. These men had been through a lot and I could understand that they now felt that life was too short and they wanted to enjoy it. And did they enjoy it: clubs, bars, dances, ballrooms, cigarettes, alcohol and live music were now a common conversation starter among people my age and I did not remember that was like that before the war.

  
Even Gale was suddenly interested in dancing all of a sudden. Gale had come back changed somehow. He used to be taciturn, serious and focused. Now he was nervous to do stuff all the time, worried that time was flying and he still had to apply for the new house for his family, excited to buy his little sister a new dress and he celebrated each of his hunts as if he had found a treasure. His job in the mines was interesting and he was optimistic he could get a raise soon, his boss was not that bad and he had a kind smile and a “good morning” for almost everyone.

  
It was more or less by the timethat everyone was talking about the comeback of the baker’s son that Gale told me he was going to go to the mayor’s dance and that I should go too.

  
"Why should I go to that silly dance?" I asked him sincerely.

  
"Why not?"

  
"I have much better things to do."

  
"Like what?" He was stubborn as hell and I knew it was hard to find excuses for my attitude.

  
"Like helping Prim with her homework…"

  
"On a Friday night? Prim would kill you." He interrupted me.

  
He was right so I came up with something else.

  
"Well, I should rest so that Saturday I can hunt well."

  
"Come on, we will be back by midnight, I am sure you will rest enough."

  
I was running out of excuses so I tried one more time.

 

"I don’t dance, I don’t know why I should go to a dance."

  
He again had a good answer ready:

  
"It is not about the dancing, it is about experiencing, it is about getting to know new people…"

  
"I know everyone in this dammed town." I deadpanned.

  
"Do you?"

  
"I do."

  
"Knowing their names and what they do for a living does not mean you know them, you know. I did not like merchants before the war but after being in trenches side by side with them I understood I did not know anything about them. Trust me, you will get to know people."

  
"What if I don’t want to get to know people?"

  
He remained silent for a while but then he looked at me sincerely and finally asked:

  
"What are you so scared of?"

  
Me? Scared? What exactly did he mean?

  
"I am not scared of anything."

  
"Prove it."

  
Could I hate him more? How could he be so infuriating? OK, I would go, I would prove to him and to myself that life was not for me and that I was not interested in that kind of thing.

  
"OK, I will go. But just this time and then forget about it."

  
His smile was worth a punch, but I controlled myself and just rolled my eyes at him.

  
The fever about the dance also got my only other friend. Madge was helping his dad organize everything and she came to my house one evening only to invite me to go.

  
Prim’s excitement about the dance could only match Madge’s.

  
"Oh my God! Katniss, I am so jealous. If Madge is preparing it I am sure it will be perfect. What are you going to wear?"

  
My dresses were one of the first things to go when I lost my job, but I still kept two that I wore for church. When Madge saw them she almost killed me.

  
"No way! You are not wearing that to my dance!"

  
"I have nothing else!"

  
"You will borrow one of my dresses."

  
"They won’t fit."

  
We had had the same conversation for years. Madge had a much fuller figure than me and was taller than me. Her dresses had to be cut and fixed so they would fit me and after the mending they did not fit her anymore.

  
Somehow, as always, a dress suddenly appeared in my house one day and I accepted it, even though it felt terrible. Until I tried it on. This was a different dress. I had never worn anything like this before. It had some cleavage, although not much, it was red and the hem of the skirt danced around my thighs showing just enough leg but not too much. It was made to show that I was a woman. I had never seen Madge in that dress so it did not feel so bad when I saw it and once I tried it on I felt instantly prettier.

  
Not that I used to worry too much about it but sometimes it felt nice to look pretty. Was I pretty? According to my family I was, but somehow their opinion did not count. Madge told me many times how pretty I was and gave me advice on how to look better but she was nice to everyone so I did not really give it much thought.

  
Now I was twenty one years old and I suddenly thought that I should look pretty at the dance. Right? That is what all girls were looking forward to: going to the mayor’s dance, looking pretty, having admirers, dancing with them, picking one, going to dates with him, saying “yes”, saying “I do”, getting pregnant and being a housewife.

  
I felt so weak I had to sit on my bed. Marriage and children had never been in my thoughts, the same thing happened with some other words: boyfriend, fiancée, husband…

  
All these words came connected with other words: suffering, hunger, exertion, sacrifice, love…

  
Gale was right about something: I was scared. I was scared of the future.

  
My mom was not OK. She never recovered from my dad’s death. Routine, food and exercise seemed to make her better but she was weak and tired most of the time. She was still a good healer, she had delivered every child born in town in the last ten years and she remained the only person in town who knew what medicine or plant to take depending on the illness. She told me what plants I should look for in the forest and she would make lotions and syrups with them. She managed to keep the house clean and do laundry but sometimes, when Prim was not home, I felt like she was a ghost in the house. It was as if she was more dead than alive.

  
Prim had three more years of school until graduation and then what? College was almost impossible for her, I could not pay for that even though she should be a nurse or even a doctor, she had the right to be and she was made to be one. I would try to make the impossible but I knew that there was no way a bank was loaning us money so that she could go to college.

  
That meant she had three options: find a merchant job (with her blonde hair and good manners I was confident she could get one), find a bad job or get married well. Either way I knew my mom would be my job, I would not allow her to slow down for my mom. Prim was the most important thing: she would grow up, be happy and healthy and she would meet a charming man, fell in love and have children and grandchildren and…

  
And me, I would be a spinster who lives with her mom and hunts to survive until I am too weak and die.

  
As if she knew I was thinking about her, Prim came in just then and all my gloomy thoughts flew by the window. I would do anything for her, no matter what.

  
"Katniss! You look so beautiful! You are absolutely perfect!" We started talking about hair, make-up and shoes and, while pretending to be excited about the dance to make her happy, I started to actually get excited about the dance somehow.

  
Some days before the dance, Gale and I had a conversation. He wanted to make sure that I knew that we were not going together, as a date or anything. As if.

  
"You wish you were my date." I laughed at him.

  
"You should see me dance. I learnt a couple of things in Europe, you know."

  
"I am sure, I will be watching."

  
The conversation flowed in the same style and we were OK. Our relationship never seemed to be weird because we were of opposite sexes but sometimes we had to make clear some things. He wanted to dance with lots of girls and it could not look as if we were together or anything. I understood and did not judge. We kept the conversation light that day.

  
However, we were going to go together, he was my neighbor, so it only made sense that we walked together there.

  
For the first time ever, Gale complimented me when he saw me come out of my house. Well, first he made a strange noise when he saw me and his grey eyes were wide with surprise.

  
"Well, well, well. Miss Everdeen has legs and all."

  
"Shut up!"

  
"Where did you get that dress?"

  
"None of your business."

  
"Who did your hair?"

  
"Why do you care?"

  
"You should do it more often, you look great."

  
I wasn’t expecting the compliment so I did not respond this time and just said:

  
"Just let’s go, please."

  
My heels were high enough to make me look taller but comfortable enough to make my steps confident all the way till we got to Madge’s house. The major had one of the few nice houses in town and they had the only ballroom big enough for 100 people apart from the city hall public meeting room.

  
As soon as I entered the party I found myself surrounded by familiar faces: Delly, Thom, Cato, Marvel, Clove, Finnick…

  
Old classmates who wanted to say hi, know how I was doing or compliment me. Some smiles were sardonic, some others were curious and some were just disgusting. However, some people caused a good impression and I suddenly found myself immersed in a girls’ conversation with Annie and Delly, probably the kindest girls in town, who adopted me for the time being. They seemed to know I was there by myself while Gale tried to make himself available for the rest of the female population.

  
There I was, surrounded by these two girls and without any idea of what to say to them, when I saw him. I was looking for Madge, hoping she would help me out and when I spotted her I noticed she was talking with a blonde tall guy who was wearing a navy jacket and dress pants.

  
I was trying to get Madge’s eyes but the eyes that suddenly looked at me were not hers. The purest, most bluest eyes in the world were looking at me from afar. They were kind and nervous and they were surrounded by soft clear skin, freckles and blonde hair.

  
Peeta Mellark was back, right. People in town were talking about it. It took him longer since he got injured, yeah, I had heard that too. Something about his leg, an explosion or something like that.

  
His eyes were still fixed on me and, I don’t know why, I did not look away. I noticed more things: a scar that crept from his neck to the collar of his shirt, a subtle stubble that he did not have when we were in high school and, as he turned around and started making his way to us with Madge, I noticed how big he was.

  
He used to be sturdy when we were at school, but now he looked completely different: taller, broader, fit… in other words, he was a man now.

  
Delly and Annie soon noticed Madge and Peeta were coming in our direction but did not have time to gossip much:

  
"Is that…?"

  
"Yes!"

  
This was Delly, who threw herself at him and hugged him excitedly.

  
Even from my perspective, the hug seemed to be awkward. It was clear he was not as happy to see her and she was of seeing him. She seemed to crave closeness while he was uncomfortable with it. But the weirdest thing was that his eyes never left me.

  
His stare was not exactly impolite; he just seemed surprised and somehow interested in seeing me there. I could not understand it at all.

We had not been friends when we were in class together. He never sat close to where I was, we never had lunch together or never talked. He belonged to a completely different sphere: wrestling team captain, well-fed son of a profitable business, blonde, fit, healthy and popular.

  
I was the girl without a father who had to fend for herself to feed her family, always hungry, always angry and always tired. He was sure surprised to find me along a group of blonde girls wearing a red dress, he was probably wondering who the hell invited me to the party.  
When Delly got away from him it was Annie’s turn, and since she had been a close friend too, she also hugged him, but it was more natural by far.

  
"I am so glad to see you." Annie said when they were apart.

  
"Me too." he said.

  
His voice was husky but steady and his eyes were still on me, so Madge considered it was time to introduce us.

  
"Peeta, do you remember Katniss?" She tentatively asked.

  
His hand shot in my direction and I made haste to shake it firmly, still not breaking his stare.

  
"Of course I do." He said. "How are you, Katniss?"

  
What was going on? I was starting to get uncomfortable with all the staring and wanted him to stop, so I tried to sound rude:

  
"Fine." I simply said, so that our conversation ended there.

  
However, he seemed to be stubborn and asked me another question.

  
"How is your sister doing?"

  
This time I could not contain my feelings and my polite façade disappeared and was replaced by genuine surprise.

_After years away from his friends and family, he was making conversation with me? A girl he hardly knew? How did he know I had a sister?_

  
"She…" My voice trembled somehow and I hated myself for it. "She is great, thank you."

  
By the way he was looking at me, he was ready to ask more questions, but luckily for me, his friends demanded his attention.

  
"Peeta, I can’t believe how good you look!" This was Delly, who seemed utterly surprised by his good looks.

  
It was true he looked good. For a man who was right back from hell he looked healthy, even happy. There were some dark circles under his eyes and his face was maybe thinner than it used to be, but still he was one of the most attractive men in the room. His eyes, for the first time, left me and started moving around the rest of the girls.

  
"That is because all the bad parts are covered with clothes." He said smiling. It was his first true smile and it looked great on his face, a 100-watt smile.

  
His comment seemed to make the girls uncomfortable, but they were fast enough to change the conversation rapidly.

  
"How have you found your nephew? I am sure you did not expect to be an uncle already, right?"

  
Sure, his older brother, Graham, had came back one year sooner than him, had married the only daughter of a rich farmer, moved away from home and had a baby while he was away.

  
"Oh, I knew that was bound to happen someday. He had been in love with her forever."

  
Suddenly, his eyes were again directed at me and even though I tried to stop myself, I looked at him again.

  
"How is little Luke?" Asked Delly, who seemed to have taken the place as main interlocutor.

  
"The sweetest little thing. I have never seen anything more beautiful." Still, his eyes were fixed on me.

  
_What did all this mean? Was he directing his words at me?_

Just the thought of it made my stomach turn and my heart beat faster.

What was wrong with me? This was just the baker’s son, I had seen him thousands of times, why did this feel so new and scary? Was it the way he was looking at me? His words? His looks?

  
Before I made a fool of myself, I excused myself to go to the ladies room and I could not help but notice that he seemed disappointed by my leaving.

  
When I came out I noticed he was still surrounded by the three girls and one more person had joined them: Finnick Odair, Annie’s fiancée, was holding her close to him, subtly embracing her with one arm.

  
The way he looked at her made me understand why she was going to marry him.

  
I did not want to go back to that group, well, I did not want to go back to where Peeta stood, so I tried to find someone I could talk with. I did not have to search much because Cato Billings found me fast enough.

  
Cato was a tall, strong, blonde guy who thought that we all women should worship him. He was sure handsome but his beauty was severely mangled by his nasty words, his arrogance and his over-self-confidence. He was one of the first to come back since he got shot in his first battle and had been hanging around town for a while already. He came from money, his dad owned the mill, which meant that he would inherit it and had no job in the meantime but to make sure his workers worked hard.

  
He was famous for his interest in women, or should I say his disinterest in women? He was looking for one thing only and I was well aware of that.

  
"I must say, Everdeen, I did not take you for a party girl."

  
"And you were right, this is a one-time thing."

  
"Isn’t that sad? I would love to take you to a few nice places."

  
"I am sure you would."

  
I turned to leave but he was brave enough to take my wrist to make me stop.

  
"Where are you going so fast?"

  
I was about to punch him, I swear it, I hate it when guys think they can touch you and take your time. However, it was unnecessary because Gale seemed to smell danger and he was suddenly next to me saying:

  
"Hey, Katniss, what about that dance you owe me?"

  
Cato released me immediately. Gale was big and scary and Cato was a coward. Gale was suddenly his old self: serious, focused and dark. He looked at Cato in the eye and took my arm to take me away from him.

  
"You are alone for five minutes and I find you with Billings, of all people." His mood was not exactly a party mood.

  
"You should have let me be, I would have punched him in the face and he would have never come near me again."

  
He found that funny enough and laughed and I noticed that he was leading me to the bar, where his friends Thresh and Thom were drinking with some girls. Rue and Thresh were one of those couples who had been waiting and then had married as soon as he was back. I liked her very much, we had worked together in the mine while the men were away and I felt comfortable around her.

  
The other girl, however, I could not really make her up yet. Johanna Mason was one of those who waited for nothing. Blight got killed during the war and she suffered a lot, it seemed. She was a tough girl, though. The only child of the butcher she learned the profession and was quite good at it, whoever married her was marrying a thriving business, but her scowl, her anger and her sharp tongue seemed to be a barrier she stood to make sure no one got too close to her.

  
She was the first to welcome me in the bar:

 

"Is this your last pet, Gale?"

  
I made sure my scowl was deep enough for her to shut up but before I had time to respond, she spoke again.

  
"That blond stalker of yours won’t give up, don’t fool yourself." She said that looking at Cato, and when I looked in his direction I found him looking at us.

  
I did not know what to answer, but Gale was quick enough.

  
"Johanna, this is Katniss, a childhood friend."

  
I wasn’t sure what relationship these two had but it seemed to me he wanted to make sure she knew there was no romantic relationship involved between us.

  
I had to contain a smile somehow, I couldn’t believe Gale would fall for a girl like that.

  
"Nice to meet you." I said to her, just trying to be polite and avoid confronting her.

  
She did not smile but answered fast enough, as if she had just remembered her manners:

  
"Nice to meet you too."

  
Her stare was hard, though, I knew I wasn’t fooling her with my red dress and my manners. She knew who I was and what I was doing there. Rue cut in just in time.

  
"You look amazing, Katniss!" Rue took my hands and took me a little bit away from the rest, to make our conversation more private.

  
"Thank you, Rue, you look great too." And it was true. Her soft skin shone against her yellow dress and her happiness was the best accessory.

  
She had married Thresh and they were in love. You could see that by the way they looked at each other. They were similar in a way: shy but sweet and generous.

  
She made me walk a little bit further from the group so that she could confide in me.

  
"So, who are you trying to impress?" She was looking forward to some gossip, which was uncharacteristic from her, but I guess the party set the mood for that.

  
"Gale and I made like a bet." I assured her. "It is not like I am going to start partying every weekend or anything."

  
"That’s a shame. "She smiled. "Because you could break some hearts tonight, honey."

  
"Yeah, yeah, the dress is nice, whatever..."

  
"No, I mean it!" She interrupted me. "You have a serious stalker already."

  
"Come on, Cato Billings stalks about any girl he sees."

  
"I am not talking about Cato, there is another blonde who can’t take his eyes off you."

  
I looked around me and saw Peeta in the distance. Now talking with a guy I did not recognize and he kept looking at me with anxious eyes. I couldn’t help but blush but tried to sound annoyed.

  
"What is the problem with him?"

  
Rue was an incurable romantic and was siding him already.

  
"He is so nice! Please, be nice to him!"

  
"Why?"

  
"He has suffered so much. His parents died during the war and now he is all alone in that bakery."

  
I know it is cruel but I couldn’t help but think that he was lucky because at least he had a business, a successful one, a house, food, a job for the rest of his life.

  
Before I had time to say anything music began to play and couples started to dance. Thresh snatched Rue and she was gone, a second later they were dancing gracefully, she was one of those people who could simply float.

  
I smiled when I saw Gale dance with Johanna, he definitely loved a challenge, that one.

  
Peeta Mellark was suddenly next to me with that stare again making me snap out of my happy mood.

  
"Katniss." My name said by him sounded weird, it was as if he was cherishing the words somehow. "Do you want to dance?"

  
He was offering me his hand, he was offering me just a dance, and he did seem nice. And he was looking good. It was all very scary. I answered way too fast.

  
"No."

  
His face fell, it was clear how disappointed he was, how sad. I don’t know why, but I felt I had to make him feel better; I didn’t want to cause him pain.

  
"It’s just… I don’t dance."

  
He seemed relieved by my admission; as if he still thought he had a chance.

  
"That’s great news, actually. I am a terrible dancer too. Try dancing with a prosthetic leg."

  
_A prosthetic leg?_

He had to be joking, I had not noticed anything weird about the way he moved and my eyes went rapidly to his legs. I stopped it right away thinking about how rude it must have looked.

  
"I am sorry."

  
"Don’t be sorry. Legs are overrated."

  
I couldn’t help but kind of laugh. He was funny after all. He seemed to be very happy to make me laugh and tried to keep the conversation light.

  
"So, what is your excuse for not dancing? Those legs don’t look prosthetic at all."

  
He was not looking at me the way Cato did, as if I were a piece of flesh, he just seemed to be enjoying my company, maybe just as much as I was enjoying his.

  
"You have taken a good look at them, haven’t you?" I tried to insinuate that I was aware of his stares but he avoided the topic fast enough.

  
"You couldn’t torture me enough to confess that. Aren’t you thirsty?"

  
I was not, but I let him get me a drink and he came back again with it. He seemed to be very happy to be right next to me offering me a drink.

  
After thanking him, I sipped the wine and he started talking again.

  
"Is this a normal thing now in Panem? Dances and music and alcohol and stuff?"

  
"Well, for some people I guess. Not for me."

  
"Not for you? Does that mean I am very lucky for finding you here?"

  
"Yes, you are. I don’t…" I didn’t really know what I wanted to say. "I don’t party."

  
He seemed to understand and did not say anything else. He knew me alright, we all knew each other. He knew I was a poor girl from the Seam, without a father, who had to take care of her mother and sister, who hunted and worked in whatever possible thing she could.  
Why was he even interested in talking with me? Was it just that he found me attractive? Was that what he was after? A pretty girl to sleep with tonight?

  
I looked at him in the eye trying to figure him out but, if there was one word to describe him, it was “nice”. He had an honest smile, a modest demeanor and happy and pleasant manners. His good humor was contagious and his smile too.

  
"Do you still hunt?" He asked plainly. And I was very surprised by the question. I thought he would rather pretend I was a pretty girl from the merchant village who was looking forward to getting married, not a Seam girl who fended for herself in the forest every day.

  
"I do." I responded honestly, almost expecting him to run away and find himself a blonde silly girl.

  
But he didn’t, he looked at me with an admiring look and said:

  
"I always loved squirrel stew. It reminds me of my dad. Could you bring me some to trade when you get them?"

  
I didn’t know how to respond to that. Trade with him? Was that what he was offering? Trading some little squirrels for a loaf of bread?

Coming to the party was worth it if I could have bread for Prim and mom every day.

  
"Su-sure." I was so excited I was stuttering. "You can count on that."

  
"Good." he simply said. "I can make a mean squirrel stew."

  
"Can you?" I asked, interested. I had never heard of men cooking.

  
"Oh, yeah, I am a great match for whoever can’t count limbs, you know."

  
"There are more important things than that." I heard myself saying, before I couldn’t stop.

  
_Why did I say that? To make him feel better? To make him understand how lucky he was to be back alive and with a business waiting for him?_

  
I blushed and avoided his gaze, even though he seemed to be trying to find my eyes. He finally broke the silence by saying:

  
"I know, you should try my cheese buns, no woman can resist that."

  
"Yeah, definitely cheese buns are the number one thing for women."

  
"What can I say? It’s my only talent."

  
I was sure that was not his only talent, he was kind and that his true secret weapon. Kindness is difficult to deny.

  
"Then you are opening the bakery again?"

  
"This very Monday! I have been cleaning the ovens all week and you will get the first batch of bread on Monday at 6 AM for those who want to break their fast with fresh bread."

  
Fresh bread, just the thought of it made me salivate.

  
"You are a great seller. I will try to stop by with some squirrels, for sure."

  
"Nothing will make me happier." He said it too fast and he seemed to regret saying it because he rapidly changed the topic. It was clear he didn’t want me to think he was that interested in me. "Let’s stop talking about food, I am gonna get hungry."

  
"Yeah and there is nothing here to eat." I answered.

  
"I disagree." He said quietly, as if he did not want me to hear it, but I heard him anyway.

  
I blushed, I don’t know why. I never blush.

 

_Were those… butterflies in my stomach?_

  
I felt like running, like going away, like… before I had time to do or say anything else, a man appeared out of nowhere, it was the man Peeta had been talking with before. At first I did not recognize him but then I did. It was Graham, Peeta’s brother, the one who married and got a baby already. They had another brother, Rye, but he ran out of town as soon as he was 18 and was trying to find gold, people said.

  
Graham is taller than Peeta and he looks bigger somehow, he was wearing nice clothes and his looks were way too polished for a baker’s son. His new wife had to be rich indeed. I did not remember him like that.

  
"I see you are in good company, Peeta." He seemed to want to start polite conversation but he looked at me smiling in a very weird way.

"The best company." Peeta said in a rather smug way. "Katniss, do you know my brother Graham?"

  
His hand was in mine before I had time to respond.

  
"A pleasure to finally meet you." He came closer to me when saying this and I wondered what he could mean by that.

  
I saw Peeta took his arm to make him step aside and he did.

  
"May I say how lovely you look today, Katniss?" He asked.

  
"Thank you." I simply said, trying not to lead him on.

 

_Was he trying to flirt with me?_

  
Peeta looked annoyed. Men don’t like it when you turn your attention to other men. My mom used to say that a lot.

_Was that what was happening now?_

Just to see if Peeta was really jealous with the attention I tried to make conversation with his brother.

 

"So I hear you just had a baby, congratulations."

  
"Thank you, Katniss. You and Peeta should come sometime and visit little Luke."

  
I found amusing that Graham thought that Peeta and I were doing stuff together, like visiting his brother, as if we were dating or something. I changed the conversation rapidly.

  
"My mom was the midwife, she said Luke is just beautiful."

  
"True, I almost forgot!" He exclaimed. "Your mom certainly has a gift. Your little sister came with her too, am I right? Is that something that runs in your blood?"

  
"Not in mine, for sure." They both laughed and I felt more at ease even though it was difficult with those four blue eyes looking at me in that direct and honest way they had.

  
A beautiful young woman stopped right next to us. She was blonde too and was wearing a very beautiful green dress that complimented her white skin.

  
"What are my favorite men doing in here? Well, Peeta, who is your friend?"

  
By the casual and affectionate way she looked and touched Graham, it was clear this was his wife. She was beautiful but her eyes were unsettling somehow, too black against her pale skin.

  
"This is Katniss Everdeen. Katniss, this is my sister-in-law, Glimmer."

  
She had a big wide smile for me and her handshake was firm but soft at the same time. She looked like the perfect lady.

  
"It is so nice to finally meet you, Katniss."

  
Again with the “finally” thing. What was this about? Had Peeta really talked about me with these people? With his family? That was impossible, there must be another reason. Maybe he had a secret girlfriend and his family were supposing I was her.

  
Soon enough, the conversation flew to how pretty I was looking, how beautiful the room was decorated and how delicious the wine was. I just had to nod, smile and say “yes” and “no” sometimes.

  
I wanted to get out of there. I did not know why I felt so uncomfortable, maybe because it looked like they were assuming that Peeta and I were more than just two people who were having a conversation for the first time.

  
I was taking a look around me, trying to find someone that I needed to say hi to, and I finally spotted Madge, who seemed too worried making sure everyone was having fun to have fun herself.

  
"Excuse me." I said to them. I did not even wait for them to say anything and I was gone from their side.

  
Madge was not happy to see me.

  
"Why…? What…? Weren’t you talking with Peeta Mellark?" She asked, and she seemed furious.

  
"Yes, I was."

  
"How…? Why did you stop? He is so nice!" She exclaimed.

  
_Why was everyone so much into Peeta?_

  
"He is nice, what is this all about? First Rue, and now you."

  
"I think he is sweet on you." She simply declared.

  
I blushed, maybe because I suspected that myself too. If not, why come to talk to me? Why so many stares? Why such comments?

  
I looked at him and tried to see him as the rest of the people did: a handsome young man, with a good business, some money saved, probably, ready to marry. Maybe the idea of his prosthetic leg could be disturbing for some girls but I did not think much of it. He was there standing and walking, who cared about the leg? A man like that could have any girl. He could never think of taking a Seam girl home. He would marry a blonde girl with rich parents, just like Graham had done. If he was sweet on me, it was because he was after one thing only. Just like Cato, right?

  
I looked at him from afar, just for a second. What if I was wrong? The idea completely unsettled me.

  
"He can be as sweet as he wants." I told Madge. "Can I help you with something? You are not dancing at all."

  
"The only way you can help me is by entertaining my guests." Her brows and her eyes were directed in one direction and I knew what she meant.

  
I tried to avoid confrontation by asking her:

  
"Who are you going to entertain? No one cute enough for you here?"

  
Her smile changed somehow. I didn’t know why. She seemed upset about something and finally said:

  
"As always, all the good ones are taken."

  
Madge and I had shared many secrets, had talked about many things but she has never told me that she was interested in anyone in particular. Her smile was bitter when she said:

  
"Peeta, however, seems to be free now. You know half the girls in town are going to try to snatch him."

  
"I wish them all good luck." I said, but somehow I felt bad inside for saying it, because it was not true. I knew girls would go crazy for him now he was back and I knew in a few weeks he would probably be engaged. And I did not like that.

  
As I predicted, the rest of the night I saw how girls were introduced to him by his friends and family. For some reason I forced myself to look at him, to follow his movements, to see how he reacted, how women looked at him, smiled at him. I needed to see it for myself to confirm my suspicions: this was a man with lots of things to offer and all young single women would be making excuses to go to the bakery on Monday.

  
_Why would he be interested in a poor, small and angry Seam girl when there were lots of merchant blonde girls in line for him?_

  
It was exactly like I suspected and I did not feel any better about it.

  
I went back home feeling restless and ashamed for some reason. How could I even think that he was sweet on me? He was just like the rest of merchants: trying to get a Seam girl to go to the slag heap with them. Yeah, probably, that was it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to @juststella for all her hard work revising and making sure this made sense. I was never sure about publishing my work but it was definitely worth it, even if only because I met her, who is generous with her talent and skills. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

CHAPTER 2

I kept thinking about what happened on Saturday during the rest of the weekend. On Monday morning I went hunting and, for some reason, I found myself going to the bakery with six squirrels.

All my way to the bakery I was just thinking that I was doing this for mom and Prim. They would love to have some bread for dinner, yeah, I was doing this for them.

The smell of the bakery was floating all over. You could smell that place from the Seam almost. It was delicious. The bakery was decorated with balloons and it looked like someone had dropped confetti or something. People were gathered around the door and I could see a couple of children with their noses stuck to the glass of the window, salivating over the beautiful cakes and cupcakes the baker had put there for display.

I decided to go to the back door. I used to meet his father there. That was my place. Seam girls who trade with bakers go to the back door.

I waited and waited but the baker was very busy and did not hear me knocking. I was pondering the possibility of leaving when I decided to go to the front door.

_He told me to come, right? He invited me. I am just one more citizen of this town and have the right to…_

Just then, I noticed a few girls looking at me, Clove Waters amongst them. I had nothing against her, but I knew she was one of those merchants who disliked girls like me, on principle.

She came from money, had a beautiful face and was there clearly because she was interested in the baker. No one could believe that she would go to buy bread herself when she had maids at home. There were girls, just like her, wearing nice dresses and had flowers weaved through their hair. Some mothers did too.

Peeta did not notice me at first. He was busy giving away tiny cupcakes to two children, who seemed to be ecstatic about it.  
Seeing Peeta with the children made me think of him as a dad. He was probably looking forward to getting married and having children of his own. He was the type who would lavish his wife with love and spoil his children with sweets and…

I was scared again. Scared of my thoughts. Why was I thinking about Peeta being a good dad? Why did I care? I was about to turn around and leave when Peeta called my name.

“Katniss?” He calls out loudly.

All the people in the bakery were looking at me now and I felt uncomfortable again. Especially because his blue eyes were fixed on mine with a determined look that did not allow me to leave.

I stepped closer to the front counter of the shop and could not help noticing how different he seemed to be in his own environment. He wore a suit the other night and he was not as comfortable as he is now. His apron, his relaxed shoulders, his smile and even his smell seemed to match the space, the light colors of the walls, the display of goods. Everything about him was natural. He was made to be a baker.

“I am glad to see you.”

I did not know what to say and Clove took advantage of my silence to interrupt.

“Peeta, we have to run now. Will I see you at your brother’s next week?”

“I’m not sure, it all depends on how work is going.”

He did not smile at her, even though she was showing him all her beautiful teeth and was trying to be charming.

“I am sure you will manage. I won’t take no for an answer.”

Clove was not acknowledging my presence but her best friend, that redhead girl with a fox face, looked at me with a sly smile, as if she was gauging my reaction to their conversation.

“We’ll see, Clove.” He said it this time in a way that made me understand that he wanted nothing to do with her.

Good. There were lots of good merchant girls around. Clove was not one of them.

After Clove and the fox-faced girl left there were only two more ladies waiting, I knew I had to wait my turn because they got here first but Peeta turned to me.

“Katniss, why don’t you go to the back and I will be with you in a second?”

I felt the cruelty of his words for a second. He wanted me to go to the back door, where I belonged, where no one could see that he traded with a Seam girl. I was about to turn around when he opened the door that led to the ovens and the storage room.

_Oh, that is what he meant. He wanted to trade with me in private. Okay, that wasn’t so bad._

I entered the room and was surprised by how clean everything looked. The space was divided into four rooms: a storage room without a door, an oven room, a toilet and a big kitchen space with a huge island to knead bread. There was even a sofa and a table for a family to have meals there. I looked to the door where I used to meet with his dad and thought about how kind and fair the baker was towards me. Will Peeta be like him?

I start to fidget, not knowing what to do, where to stand or where to sit. However, it only took him a minute to say goodbye to his customers. He found me standing in the middle of the kitchen, not sure about what to do or say next.

“Would you like some tea? I would kill for some tea with biscuits. You must try these. It is a ginger and cinnamon recipe. They are so good.” Peeta offers.

“That is not necessary.” I say but before I could stop him, he served two cups of tea and I had a biscuit in my hand.

“Thank you.”

Well, this was new. Old Mr. Mellark had never offered me to sit down for tea with him.

“How was the hunting today?” He asked, as if we were old friends talking over afternoon tea.

_Why was he such a natural with conversation?_

“Good, I guess, I brought you some squirrels.”

“That’s good. Am I the first one you come to trade with?”

“No, I… I already went to Sae’s. I got a wild turkey for her.”

_Why was he making conversation with me? What was he after? I don’t understand. Was he just kind? Was he lonely?_

“Wild turkey? Wow, I could make a great pie with some turkey.”

“That sounds delicious.” I knew I was frowning. I could not help it. But he kept smiling at me, as if he was having the time of his life with this small talk.

“Try the biscuits…please, you will love them.”

Of course, I would. He was a great baker, even better than his dad. I bit the biscuit and enjoyed the taste, even though I felt a little uncomfortable sitting in his kitchen with tea and biscuits and with all that light coming from the windows.

“They are great, thank you.” It was all I could say.

“I am glad you like them. I made—” He stops mid-sentence.

“I am sorry for the mess.” He said looking around.

“I guess this place needs a woman’s touch.” He smiled at me, even more openly, as if he had just confessed something.

“The place looks great. No one could say that you were baking here for hours.” I reply.

“Yeah…well, I still need help, though.”

_Was he offering me a job?_

I drank some more tea and took out the six fat squirrels I had for him.

“Where can I put them?” I asked.

He took them from me and looked at them carefully. “You are still the best shooter in town. Always in the eye, right?”

I felt embarrassed by his compliment, so I did not say anything else.

He went to the storage room. I guess to put them in the ice box, and then he came back out.

“What do you want to trade?” He asked with that big smile of his.

Peeta was standing while I was sitting on the stool and I noticed how tall he was. I tried to shake those thoughts out of my head again.

_What was wrong with me?_

“Bread.” I say simply.

“Yeah, but what kind of bread?” Peeta answers.

“Whatever you have.”

“Don’t be difficult. I want to give you something you like.”

His smile, his kindness, his height, his voice… everything seemed to be like a nightmare. My worst nightmare ever. The nightmare of all those things I did not want to think about: dates, falling in love, saying “Yes”, saying “I do”. My head was starting to spin so I answered with the first thing that came to mind.

“Do you have cheese buns?”

“Great choice!” He exclaimed, walking out to the front of the shop and returning with a huge brown paper bag.

His smile was there again, and I could do nothing to make him stop.

“Half a dozen cheese buns and a good loaf of bread with nuts and seeds. Oh, and I added a little cupcake for Prim.”

“You don’t have to do that.” I say. He was being far too generous, and I did not want to owe him.

“Today is my opening day. I am giving away cupcakes to all the children.”

“Prim is hardly a child. She is already fourteen.”

“Is she really? Well, I would love to see her. Tell her to stop by one day after school.”

_Why would he want to see my sister? Was he really that nice? Was he really interested in seeing her?_

Something deep down told me he was lying, there was something he was hiding that he did not want me to see.

_What could it be?_

I stood up suddenly and he started scratching the back of his neck. His blonde hair was so radiant in the sunlight it took my breath away.

“I need to go.”

He did not say anything. He just followed me to the front.

“Will you come back next time you go hunting?”

It was a very innocent question, but somehow it was not. He wanted me to promise him that I would come back. He wanted to know if he could see me again. Maybe I was just being a little paranoid.

“I don’t think you can eat six squirrels every day.”

“Oh, but I can make pies out of anything. Really. Any bird or anything you find, and I can make a mean pie. You will see.”

“Will I?”

“Come back tomorrow with more meat. Some herbs would be great too. Some thyme, for example…”

I stopped listening to him because a girl entered the shop. Another girl. But this time it was Johanna Mason and it didn’t look like she was here for him.

“Mellark, you finally did it, right?” She was not looking at the baker. She was looking at me.

Peeta was blushing and all his natural charm seemed to be gone.

“Yeah, I opened this morning.”

“It looks like you know what you want.” She replies, staring at me.

“Good afternoon, Katniss.”

It seemed like that girl’s job was to make everyone around her uncomfortable. And she was great at it.

“Johanna.” I said before opening the door to leave.

“See you tomorrow.” Peeta answers cheerfully, trying to fix the awkwardness.

But for some reason, I felt embarrassed and left the shop, running all the way home.

When I got home, Prim was already there from school, and my mother was doing laundry in the kitchen, as always. However, everything seemed different.

Prim did not take notice of me at first. She smelled the cheese buns and came running excitedly.

“Oh, my goodness! Is it true, then? He opened the bakery. Oh, Katniss, you can trade with the baker again. Look at this, mom! Cheese buns!”

My mom started making tea while my sister devoured one of the cheese buns.

“Prim, take it slowly. It is gonna hurt your stomach if you eat so fast!” Mom says sternly.

I went to my room to change and when I came back my mother and sister were silent and looking at me expectantly.

There was a cupcake in the center of the table. A beautiful cupcake with a delicate flower made of sugar on top.

“That is for you, Little Duck.” I said. "The baker was giving away cupcakes."

“Do you really think this is for me?” Prim laughed heartedly.

“He said so himself.” I reply.

My mom did not say anything. She started serving the tea and sat down to eat. But Prim had much to say about the cupcake.

“Why would the baker give me anything? He hardly knows me.”

“Peeta said he was giving away cupcakes for all children.”

“I am not a child.” Prim announces.

“The last time he saw you, you were a child. He said he would love to meet you again.”

She snorted, and it was so unlike Prim. She was becoming a teenager.

“Yeah, right. That’s what he said.”

“What are you trying to say?”

She rolled her eyes, again, very teenage-like.

“Katniss, I think the baker is trying to flirt with you.”

I stood up and left. And I did not come back until dinner time.

The next day I did not go to the bakery. I was not ready. I traded with Sae and came home with money, which was not bad at all.

My mother said nothing but when Prim saw me arrive empty-handed she had lots of things to say.

“Didn’t you go to the baker to trade?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Katniss! Don’t be rude!” Mom said.

“Why do you suddenly have an interest in who I trade with? You never asked before.”

Prim started to mock-dance around me. “Because I think Peeta is in love with you.”

My sister had the ability to say the most terrible things in the most natural way. As if she was saying words like “shoe” or “bed”.

“Peeta is in love with you.”

I cringed when hearing her say that and my mom started laughing. My mom laughing is very weird and both my sister and I looked at her just to make sure we were hearing right.

Yes, she was laughing.

I did not find the situation laughable at all, but my mom seemed to think that the idea of the baker being in love with me was funny.

“Prim, don’t say stuff like that. People will talk.”

“Oh, Katniss! Who cares? It is so romantic!”

I went to my room and closed the door behind me. I made sure they understood I did not want to be bothered but my sister came in the room. It was her room too, after all.

“Katniss, really. It is just that he makes the most delicious things in the world. That cupcake was…do you think you could trade a cupcake for me tomorrow?”

I knew her game very well. Prim knew I would do anything for her and was taking advantage of it. She wanted me to go to the bakery again and not just for cupcakes.

“Why don’t you go yourself?” I asked her. “I have got some money.”

“I would not want to spend our money on cupcakes. But you can always trade for some. Peeta is so generous after all.”

I sighed, knowing the battle was lost.

“Why don’t you come with me tomorrow? That way you can see with your own eyes that he is not—” I couldn’t say it. Why was it so easy for Prim but hard for me?

“Okay!” She exclaimed. “Pick me up from school tomorrow!”

As planned, I picked Prim up from school and again, she had lots to say.

“Katniss, what are you wearing?”

I looked at myself. I was wearing my hunting boots and jacket, what did she expect?

“Pfft.” She rolled her eyes. “Even I know you are supposed to wear something nice when you go see your sweetheart.”

“For the last time, Prim!”

“Okay, Okay.” She relents.

We walked in silence all the way to the bakery. Just when we entered the bakery, two girls were leaving. I did not even look at them. I knew why they were there. Again, more merchant girls visiting the new baker, the new bachelor in town.

I did not look at them, but I heard what they were saying.

“Well, I couldn’t tell he had a fake leg.”

“It’s kind of weird though, and all those scars.”

My heart was burning with rage, how did these stupid girls dare to talk about Peeta like that? Any woman should be happy to have him.

He was—

“Their loss.” Prim said exactly what I was thinking as she looked at the two girls walk away.

Prim took my hand and lead me into the bakery. A little bell rang announcing our arrival and Peeta came out of the back looking sweaty and annoyed.

He was wearing his apron and pants, as usual, but he was wearing a white undershirt that showed me the reason why those girls were talking about his scars.

I had seen the neck scar before, but I did not know that it continued all the way down his chest and that his left shoulder was scarred too.

However, the scars did not make him look bad. In my eyes, they made him look even more handsome.

His blonde hair was sweaty and damp against his forehead. He tried to push it away but only achieved to make it stand in a funny way. He looked adorable.

_Why would any woman think that he was weird?_

Peeta’s expression completely changed when he saw us. He smiled again with all those white teeth he had and came out from behind the counter to greet us properly.

“Katniss! I am so happy to see you! And this beautiful lady must be Prim!”

Prim smiled, and I knew he had her. He shook hands with her happily, treating her like a lady. She was a goner already.

“Well, well, haven’t you grown. Katniss wasn’t joking when she said you weren’t a child anymore.”

She seemed glad that I had defended her status.

“Thanks, Peeta.” She said happily. “For the cupcake. I wanted to come by and thank you in person.”

“There is no need to thank me. I’m so glad my cupcake brought you both here today.”

Peeta was like Prim. He could say all those things without blinking. About being glad we were there, as if we were old friends. It was only five days ago since we last saw each other after so many years away.

“I was just about to have a cup of tea. Would you like to join me?”

Before I could say no, Prim had already accepted his invitation and we were sitting around the kitchen bench having tea and cake once again.

“I made this cake as a tryout. You guys can be my guinea pigs and tell me if you like it.”

Prim was the most vocal between the two of us. She said everything that was proper while I remained silent.

“Jeez! This is delicious, Peeta! We are so lucky to have such a good baker in town.”

“Well, thanks Prim and what do you think, Katniss?”

Again, I noticed the way he said my name. What was different? Prim winked at me, as if she had noticed it too.

“It is great, Peeta. Thank you.”

“Have another piece.” He offered.

I was so nervous I wasn’t tasting anything. I could not stop looking at him, at all that flesh. While he laughed, I saw the small creases that appeared around his eyes and he had two small dimples which were very nice too. I had to stop myself to look at Prim and hear what they were saying.

“I am now in eighth grade. I will be out of school in a few years.”

“And what would you like to do then?” Peeta asks.

Prim blushed and looked at me in a weird way. As if she did not want to confess it in front of me. “I don’t know. We’ll see.”

I understood perfectly. Prim did know what she wanted to become. A doctor or a nurse. She had learned from my mom and would love to study in college to become one. But we had no money. And I had no job.

“Well, whatever you decide to do. You will do great, for sure.”

I finally found my voice and assured her. “Yeah, Prim. You can do anything you want.”

She seemed not to trust us enough to say what she wanted to say but before Prim had time to think more on the subject, I spoke up.

“So, Peeta, I hope you can make something good out of these birds. They’re not turkeys but—”

“Wow! Katniss, thank you. Yes, I will make something delicious. They look very good indeed.”

Peeta took them from me and left to leave them in the storage room. I stood up and made Prim stand, so he would notice we were leaving. He came back from the front with a huge paper bag again.

“Cheese buns?” He asked.

“Yes, please!” Prim said excitedly.

“I think that is too much, Peeta. It is only a couple of birds.”

“Nonsense! Here begins my fame as the best pie man in history. I must treat my suppliers well, right?”

I shrug. Not very sure what to say.

“So, there you have some cheese buns and the rest of the cake. So that your mom can taste it too.”

“Thank you, Peeta.” Prim said while taking the bag full of delicious goodies from him.

“Thank you.” I said begrudgingly, not liking the feeling he was giving me more than I was giving him.

He did not seem to notice my mood and kept talking with Prim until some customers arrived and I made Prim say goodbye, so we could leave.

Prim was so excited. I could tell. She was not saying anything, but I knew she was waiting to get home to express her opinion. My mom was waiting for us with some tea and Prim ran to her and started babbling.

“Mom, you will never believe it. The baker made us tea and gave us cake. He even gave the rest of the cake, so you could try it. Peeta said it was a tryout, but it’s so delicious. Oh, mom! I think he’s really in love with Katniss.”

My mom locked eyes with me. “Is that true, Katniss?”

“No!”

“It is true!” Prim interrupted. “He says her name as if—”

Before Prim could say anything else I left the house again. The house next to ours was Gale’s and I always escaped there for refuge when my mother was too depressed to get up.

Gale was not at home, of course he wasn’t. He was never home lately. So, I went to Madge’s house instead.

Running away had always been my style. I got to Madge’s house and a maid opened the door. She said that I could go up to her room and try to cheer her up. She had not been feeling well this afternoon. The door of her room was locked so I knocked, and I could hear Madge’s alarmed voice.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Katniss.” I answer.

I could hear some whispers coming from her room and I realized that Madge was not alone, even though her parents and the service thought so.

“One moment!” She responded.

It took Madge a while to open the door and when I looked in her room, I saw the window was open and a tree with its long branches was conveniently growing just outside.

I had never really noticed that tree before.

_So, it appeared Madge had a visitor, probably a guy._

_Is everyone around me looking for a guy?_

Madge’s cheeks looked flushed and she had no lipstick on but had make-up on her eyes, which was suspicious.

_Had she been kissing a guy?_

I decided not to say anything. After all, if she did not want to tell me something, it was her secret.

We talked for a while. Madge played some music and then she made me have tea with her mom before I left. We did not talk about Peeta Mellark or any other guy. Which was exactly what I was looking for.

I went home past dinner time and when I arrived, Prim or my mom had left some dinner for me in the kitchen. Prim was doing her homework and my mom was doing needlework.

We did not talk about the baker.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @juststella for your hard work and talent.
> 
> And thank you to all those out there who stopped by and enjoyed this.

**CHAPTER 3**

 

Whilst in the forest the next day, I decided I would visit Peeta. Somehow, I felt like I owed him. So, I killed a turkey and used it as my reason to drop by the bakery. Maybe I was just making excuses because of the strange need to see Peeta again.

 

As usual, the bakery was full of customers. When I opened the door, the bell rang, and the faces of three people looked straight at me. Peeta was working behind the counter but he quickly turned his attention back to serving his customers. He smelled sweetly of cinnamon, and I loved how his hair shone in the sunlight. I loved hearing his laugh too. Then I saw Delly and Annie walking towards me.

 

“Look who’s here!” Delly exclaimed happily, as she placed a kiss on my cheek. Annie did the same, hesitantly.

 

“I am so happy to see you, Katniss. What is that you have?”

 

“A turkey. I thought Peeta might want to—”

 

“Of course he would.” Delly interrupted, for which I was thankful. “Peeta, you’ve got yourself a great supplier. We’ll be eating turkey pie tomorrow, right?”

 

Annie remained silent while Delly and Peeta did all the talking. It seems I’m not the only one who isn’t good with words.

 

“That’s great Katniss. Thank you.” Peeta was clearly happy with the turkey.

 

“Well, let me know if you need help tomorrow, Peeta. You look very tired and this is a big business now.” Delly announced.

 

“Thank you. I will let you know.”

 

Delly and Annie left the shop and while the bell was still ringing, I had a strange feeling this was not a normal visit. Peeta did not look well. He looked weird…awkward…not as happy as he usually is. He looked…nervous.

 

“Katniss, why don’t you come in and take a seat? I would like to talk to you.”

 

A thousand things were running through my mind but none of them made sense. _What could be so important for Peeta to be so nervous?_

As always, tea was served in a matter of minutes and I had a lemon-flavored cookie in my hand. Peeta took the turkey from me and placed it in the storage room. He came back scratching at his hair, making it messy and falling in all directions.

 

Peeta sat down, then stood up again. He took a look around as if he was looking for something. Finally, he sat down again and began to talk.

 

“Katniss. I need your help. I’ve only just started to get this bakery up and running but it’s too much work for just one person. I hardly sleep anymore. I can’t afford to pay for an assistant.”

 

I wasn’t sure where Peeta was going with this, so I remained silent.

 

“I think you could help me.” Peeta suggested.

 

“How? You just said you can’t afford to hire anyone.”

 

Peeta took in a breath and started talking slow and clearly, as if he wanted to make sure I did not misunderstand what he was saying.

 

“I can’t pay for another salary, that’s true. This is a family business and yet, I have no family to help me. That’s why I am thinking about getting married.”

 

I felt my face turn white. All the blood in my body started running in all directions. Peeta’s eyes stared into mine and I did not say anything for a while. After a long silence it was clear he was waiting for me to say something. The air from my lungs was gone so, with great effort, I was able to articulate some words.

 

“That’s great, Peeta. I am sure there are lots of girls in town wh—”

 

“I don’t want to marry any of the girls in town. They come here to visit because they know my situation. They know I need a wife, so they pretend to like me.”

 

_That was probably true._

“You are different, though.” He said, again very slowly “You don’t pretend.”

 

I remained silent.

 

“I know you will be honest with me and this won’t be such a fake thing with you. You know what I need, and I think I know what you need.”

 

“What I need?” Panic began to set in and I couldn’t think straight.

 

“Yes. You need a job; security and you need to help your sister go to college. I can help with all that”

 

_This had to be a joke, right?_

“You must be joking?” I regretted the question as soon as I asked.

 

Disappointment was written all over Peeta’s face. He was being completely sincere and honest with me. Just like that, he was offering me Prim’s dream to be a doctor.

 

“No, I am not joking.”

 

“Why don’t you marry someone you like?” I asked.

 

“I like you.” Peeta replied honestly. A shadow of a smile started to appear on his face.

 

“No, I mean someone you love, like in love and stuff.” I corrected.

 

Peeta ignored my question, but the smile on his face remained. Almost at once, the subject of love had me feeling uneasy. I stood up as the thought to run away crossed my mind.

 

_Why offer this to me, of all people?_

“Before you run away,” Peeta quickly followed my lead and stood up too, “I want you to know I am not going to make this offer to any other girl. But I need to know one thing, is there someone else in your life…someone you’re planning to marry?”

 

I don’t know what came over me, but something in his words made me stay.

 

“I am not planning anything. But I can’t marry you.”

 

“Why?” He asked very calmly, as if we were discussing what we were having for dinner.

 

“Because… it’s wrong! You cannot offer me something like that… people marry because…”

 

“Because they need each other, and I need you.”

 

“Me? What about Delly? Or Clove?”

 

“Are you serious? Clove? That harpy?”

 

I had to laugh at the descriptive word he used. It suited her perfectly. I quickly recovered.

 

“And Delly? She is not a harpy?”

 

“No. But Delly expects a lot of things from a marriage including love and that is something I cannot give her. The understanding between you and me, would be different. We know what to expect from each other, right?”

 

I suddenly felt my stomach churn. I did not know why but the conversation was making me sick.

 

“Can I use your bathroom?” I asked him.

 

Peeta showed me the way, pointing to the door and once inside, I closed it with a bang. I did not vomit but stood there for a while. I washed my face with water and looked at myself in the mirror.

 

_What is happening?_

 

I did not understand anything.

_Was he really offering all that to me? A job? No, even better, a business! A home! Money for Prim’s college!_

 

My mind was running wild with possibilities and some of them I did not like. Marriage meant more than just work. I knew that. It meant love, sex and babies. Three things that were not on my list. At least they had never been on my list before.

 

_Not before Peeta came along._

 

_Did he expect me to share his bed? To have his babies?_

Cute blonde chubby babies with big blue eyes started appearing in my mind and I made myself stop. Just thinking about all that made my stomach churn again and my heart beat even faster.

 

_What was wrong with me? Did I really want those things?_

 

I stayed in the bathroom for a while and I thought as hard as I could, but I did not get to any good conclusions, so I decided to come out.

 

Peeta was sitting on the stool next to the kitchen bench and he looked sad somehow.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked.

 

“No.” I answered simply.

 

I did not run away. Instead, I sat next to him and asked him the question that was on my mind.

 

“If we…marry…” The words were so difficult for me to say. “What do you expect from me?”

 

Peeta’s face changed completely. He was not sad anymore and his eyes were shining again. Perhaps he was thinking there was hope that I would agree to this arrangement.

 

“I would teach you to help me in the bakery, baking and stuff. Your family would move in too. Your mother could help with some of the house chores and your sister could help serve customers after school.”

 

He had not understood my question.

 

“Is that all?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to. This situation was uncomfortable enough.

 

He seemed confused and tried to think. “Well, it would be better to pretend we like each other, you know. Just to avoid gossip.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, I’d rather have people think we married for love than have them think we married out of need.”

 

“And would you pretend in front of my mom and my sister?”

 

This was important. If we were to do this I did not want Prim and mom to think that I had sold myself to the baker for money. They already thought he liked me. I could at least try to convince them that we had fallen in love.

 

He gave me a serious look. “Yes, I could pretend for them too.”

 

I did not doubt it. He was a natural. He was good with words. I was sure he would be able to convince anyone. The problem was…

 

“Would _you_ be able to pretend?” He asked.

 

I tried to think hard of what ‘pretend’ would mean. It would probably mean talking to each other a lot. I could deal with that. It would mean holding hands, right? Yeah, that wouldn’t be so bad. It would also mean kissing each other. Well, that was another story. It would mean touching each other. I started to blush and sweat.

 

“Would you like to have children?” I asked very fast, looking at the floor. My face red as a beetroot.

 

He took some time to answer, as if he was gauging my reaction. “Would _you_ like to have children someday?” He replied.

 

“No.” I quickly responded, and I felt as though I was lying somehow.

 

Still unable to look at him, I could only hear his voice say in a business-manner. “That settles the matter, then.”

 

I looked at him this time. His face was set like a stone. “I would never do anything you didn’t want me to.”

 

I guess that did cover all possible situations. I took a breath in and out and it suddenly dawned on me. I realized I was going to say yes. I was going to accept. Not only for Prim and mom, but for myself too. For reasons that I could not even begin to understand.

 

I looked at him again and asked. “When would you like to get married?”

 

Peeta stood up at once with a smile so wide and practically ran upstairs and it took him a while before he returned. I had no idea what he was doing. He came down running just in time to hear the bell on the bakery door ring.

 

“We are closed!” He shouted.

 

“Peeta, they might steal—”

 

“I’m so happy right now, I don’t really care.” He said.

 

Peeta stood there watching me before showing me why he had run upstairs so quickly: it was a promise ring. A simple gold ring with a small green stone.

 

“Would you wear this for me?” He asked.

 

Again he said it as if he was just talking about shoes. He was offering me this gold ring and he was asking me to wear it as if it was…

 

“Was this something you just had lying around or what?” I asked jokingly.

 

He laughed. At least we could laugh together. That was good.

 

“No, I… I have had it for some time.”

 

“Why? Who were you planning on giving this to? Your sweetheart?” I chocked on the question. Again, it was strange to hear me talk about this stuff.

 

“Would you wear it for me?” He said looking at me in the eye very seriously, avoiding my question altogether.

 

My heart plummeted. It hurt in some way to wear a ring that was meant for another girl, but Prim’s voice was in my mind _“Their loss”_.

 

I shook the thought from my head. “Green is my favorite color.” I finally responded.

 

I guess Peeta understood that was my way of saying okay because he took my hand and I noticed he was trembling. Probably just as much as I was. We stared at each other, not knowing what we we’re doing or even why we were doing it. I guess he was trying to figure out what type of person I was, or if he had made the right choice, or if I would turn into a horrible wife… I could hardly think straight. Finally, he spoke.

 

“Do you have a dress? Like your mother’s old wedding dress or something?”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

_My mom’s nice dresses were all gone. Just like mine._

 

“Okay. Go to the tailor and tell him you need a dress for your wedding and I will call by and pay for it later. Choose whatever you want. I will go to the City Hall and ask for an appointment. I think we could marry this week with some luck. I would like to come to your house this evening for dinner and talk to your mother.”

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

“Still, I want to.”

 

It seemed Peeta had transformed into a business man or something. His mind began busily planning and calculating very fast. He untied his apron and hung it behind a door.

 

“Where are you going?” I asked.

 

“I need to apply for a marriage license. I will see you today at your house. What time should I come by?”

 

“Six...We have dinner then.”

 

“I will be there.”

 

Peeta gently took my hand to look at the ring on my finger and then closed his eyes. “If you want to back out…if you don’t want this…this is the moment to say so.” His eyes remained shut, as if he did not want to hear the answer.

 

“I want this.” And that was the most honest answer he had gotten from me all day. “But…” I wanted to be sincere. “I don’t understand why you want this. You could get any girl, really…” My tongue seemed to finally work, and I poured out all my worries to him. “Any girl would be glad to marry you and you are choosing wrong, Peeta. I cannot offer you anything and I have a mother and a sister to take care of and I have literally nothing…nothing.”

 

I was, for some reason, on the verge of tears. All my insecurities and thoughts were finally being verbalized in words and there were still some I could not tell him. How my heart beat faster when he was around, how I noticed everything about him, all those chubby blonde babies that were suddenly flashing in my mind…

 

Peeta was so close that I noticed how his lashes were so blonde and ridiculously long. He took my hand that now wore his ring to his lips and kissed it tenderly, then kissed each of my fingers making me shut up at once. His mouth felt soft and gentle against my skin and I felt goosebumps run through my body like an electrical current.

 

Still holding my hand, he said, “I want you to understand this.” He spoke in that slow and clear way he had before. “You are the only girl I would have given this ring to.”

 

I doubted it. How was it possible to believe him? He hardly knew me. I think my scowl told him what I was thinking because he kept talking.

 

“It’s true. There is no one else in this town I would ask something like this. I trust you.”

 

“But you don’t know me!” I shouted, trying to make sure he understood what he was saying.

 

“I know you enough.”

 

I sat down on the stool, tired, devastated, exhausted. He was still holding my hand. This was starting to be awkward. I looked at him and I saw that his head had fallen, as if defeated somehow. I guess he needed some reassurance.

 

“Peeta.”

 

He looked at me and his eyes told me what he wanted to hear.

 

“I won’t back out, Peeta. I will marry you this week.”

 

Business-Peeta started working again. He went to the front of the shop and locked the door and then returned to the kitchen, so we could both leave from the back door. He was so nervous he could hardly lock the door with his keys.

 

Out in the back of the bakery and in the daylight, it all seemed strange. It was okay back inside but now we were out in the sun and, for sure, some people were looking through their windows to see what the baker was doing with _that Seam girl_.

 

I looked at my feet and decided it was a good time to leave. “I will go now.”

 

He finally managed to close the door. “To the tailor, right?” He asked.

 

I had forgotten about that. “Yes, to the tailor.”

 

I turned to leave when Peeta grasped my hand and made me turn to him again drawing me closer and whispered, “Is that how you say good-bye to your fiancé? My neighbors might be watching us.”

 

Before I knew what was happening, Peeta was kissing me full on the lips, very softly and gentle, making my head swoon, making my body freeze, making my heart ache. He did not move his lips, it was a chaste kiss, just to show the neighbors that we were together. I had barely any time to react before it was over. He turned around almost running away and shouted…

 

“See you at six!”

 

_My first kiss on the lips._

 

Peeta disappeared way too quickly. I did not move for a few seconds. Finally, my legs responded to me and I walked all the way to the tailor. Thank God Cinna and Portia were nice people. Any other person in town, when told that Katniss Everdeen was going to marry Peeta Mellark, would have laughed incredulously.

 

But Cinna and Portia didn’t. They said they had some dresses lying around for emergencies and made me try some on and said they would have it ready for me tomorrow at noon. I barely remembered choosing one.

 

I arrived home not knowing how I was going to tell my family. I looked at the clock when I entered the house and it was already five thirty. My mom was cooking stew and my sister was sorting some herbs and hanging them to dry in the kitchen. I decided that I better say it now and get it done.

 

“I got engaged to the baker today.”

 

I heard something drop in the kitchen but went to my room, not wanting to know what it was. I sat on the bed and started taking off my boots. My mom and Prim practically ran into my room.

 

“You are kidding, right?” said Prim.

 

I raised my hand to show the ring then my head to look at them. That’s when I saw it: The happiness in their faces. It was abnormal. I could not remember the last time they have both looked like that. A smile crept to my face too.

 

My sister started shouting and jumping on the bed and my mom came to hug me, which was probably the most awkward thing that had happened to me that day. And I had quite a day. Prim finally stopped jumping and kneeled on the floor to look at the ring closely.

 

“Gosh, Katniss. I knew it. I knew Peeta was in love with you.”

 

“Katniss! I am so happy for you!” My mom was almost shouting.

 

“We are going to eat fresh bread every single day of our lives.” Prim announced.

 

“Peeta Mellark is a very good man, I am sure of that, if you’ve agreed to marry him.” My mom was actually smiling. I did not remember she could smile like that.

 

“He is perfect, mom!” Prim said, rolling her eyes.

 

“When can I meet him?” My mother asked.

 

I finally had something to provide in the way of conversation. “He is coming to dinner tonight...at six.”

 

Mom and Prim ran away from me. They suddenly transformed into two crazy women. They started polishing making sure everything looked decent. They changed clothes and washed their faces and then went to Hazelle’s house looking for some cheese and ale. I made sure the stew did not burn.

 

My mom looked at me and insisted I wash my face and change into the only decent dress I owned. I heard the knock while I was changing. I quickly put on my Sunday shoes and stepped out of the room, but Prim got there first. She opened the door and flung her arms around Peeta’s neck. He was clearly not expecting it because he almost fell over.

 

“Prim, please!” My mom scolded her, even though she could not suppress a grin. “You are going to kill the poor boy.”

 

But it was too late. Prim was saying things so naturally. Things I could not.

 

“I knew it! I knew she liked you. I have never seen her blush like that.”

 

I wished Prim would shut up. Peeta, however, seemed to be relishing in the conversation.

 

“Really?” He asked. “I feel very special then.”

 

“You are.” Prim answered excitedly.

 

That was probably the reason why people loved Prim. She knew what to say all the time to make people feel good. I interrupted her before she said anything else to embarrass me more.

 

“Peeta, this is my mother, Lily.”

 

My mom offered her hand and he shook it a little too vigorously. I could tell he was nervous.

 

“How do you do, Mrs. Everdeen?”

 

“I’m great, thank you.”

 

I had never heard my mom say she was “great”. _Not in a million years._

 

“I brought some bread and a cake.” He offered it to my mom, who took it and carried it to the kitchen as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

 

Prim looked at me and then at Peeta, watching us. I knew what she wanted to see but I did not know what to do. I forgot that Peeta was a natural at this. He came very close to me and took my hand to kiss it again. The same way he had at the bakery, and just as it had happened in the bakery, I felt flushed and my heart started beating even faster, if that was even possible. Prim looked satisfied although she was probably disappointed that we had not kissed on the lips.

 

“Did you manage to get a dress?” He asked me.

 

Prim could not contain herself again. “Did you go find a dress?” She asked with wide eyes.

 

“Yes, I did find one. It will be ready tomorrow at noon.”

 

Before Prim could say anything else, my mother called her to the kitchen.

 

Peeta smiled at me. “They look happy.” He said with a satisfied smug on his face.

 

“Yes, happy about you and your cupcakes.” I said.

 

He laughed again, and I noticed that he had not dropped my hand. My mom came back from the kitchen with the cheese and the bread and Prim came holding the dishes with the stew.

 

“Let me help you with that.” Peeta said, finally letting go of my hand.

 

_Was I feeling separation anxiety already?_

Truth to be told. Everything seemed easier with Peeta next to me. He went to them and made easy conversation talking about recipes, herbs and ingredients. Once we were sitting around the table, Peeta did it again; he began to speak about these things as if they were the most natural things in the world.

 

“Well, I guess that Katniss already told you the good news.”

 

 “Yes, Peeta, and I must say I was very happy to hear it, but...”

 

“Not as happy as I was when she said yes” Peeta gushed.

 

I blushed and Prim and mom saw how he took my hand and kissed it again. I am sure I heard them sigh. My mom seemed to want some more answers. It was clear that she was not as easy to convince as Prim was.

 

“Peeta, this is so sudden… how—”

 

Peeta politely interrupted my mother and I was happy he had thought about this because we had not talked about what was going to be our ‘story’.

 

“It is not sudden at all. I have been in love with Katniss since forever. It’s just that I finally got the courage to ask her.”

 

“Aww…” My sister was literally moaning.

 

This was good. He was a good liar…way too good. For some reason my heart was aching, wishing all this was true.

 

 _How did he come up with these things so fast_?

 

“We want to get married as soon as we can, right Katniss?” Peeta turns to me, waiting for my reply.

 

I could not speak yet, so I just nodded. I felt like crying for some reason. It was as if I had been in shock all this time and I was finally realizing that this was happening; I was going to marry Peeta Mellark.

 

“I went to the City Hall today.” His voice bringing me out from my thoughts. “They said they had a spot for us on Saturday, what do you think, Prim? Will you be ready by Saturday?”

 

“Of course I will! Katniss, can I be your bridesmaid?”

 

I tried to answer her but my tongue still felt tight so I pretended to have food in my mouth. Peeta seemed to understand what was happening and took over the situation again, thankfully.

 

“It is not going to be that kind of wedding. I am sorry. I don’t have the money to make anything grand.”

 

My mother intervened. “Oh, that is not what she meant, right, Prim? She would be happy just to hold Katniss’ bouquet during the ceremony. That is all, of course we are not looking for something grand.”

 

Prim seemed to be worried she had offended Peeta in some way, as if that was possible. “Yeah, that’s it! Peeta, your wedding is going to be beautiful no matter what.”

 

“Yes, because Katniss will be there.” Peeta said, sending a wink my way.

 

_The idiot. How did he come up with this stuff?_

 

“Katniss, what’s your dress like?” Prim asked.

 

This was the first question Peeta could not answer for me, so I finally spluttered something out of my mouth. “White.”

 

They all laughed and Peeta took over the conversation again. He talked a lot about neighbors and old friends. He seemed to know everyone around, I guessed thanks to his job, and was able to make polite conversation without criticizing or being nosy.

 

After dinner, we ate some of the cake he brought, and my mother congratulated him for his baking talents.

 

“I am glad you like it, Mrs. Everdeen.” He said very slowly. “And if you give us your blessing, I will make sure you eat cake every day.” He said this in a very serious tone, very different from the joking tone he had been using before.

 

The table, which had been filled with laughter and easy conversation all night, suddenly fell silent. My mother looked like she did not know what to say and my sister seemed to think it was not her turn to speak. For the first time since he had arrived, I saved the situation.

 

“My mother doesn’t care about cake, Peeta, and she has given us her blessing.” My mother nods but remains silent. I take his hand in mine and this time it is my time to kiss his knuckles. He had rough hands but soft and flexible at the same time. “As long as we love each other she will be happy.”

 

_See? I could pretend too._

Peeta looked at me in the eye. His face changed completely. He had an intense stare I did not know well or what it meant. He was not smiling but he did not seem angry either. With his free hand he touched some hair that had escaped from my braid and brushed it aside to see my face better. Softly, he ran a finger over my jaw and a shiver started from the top of my head making me feel faint somehow.

 

He finally smiled and said very softly, “then we are okay.”

 

My mom stood up and my sister did too. They seemed to be a little uncomfortable and Peeta noticed.

 

“I am so sorry, Mrs. Everdeen. Please forgive me for my rudeness. But when I am around Katniss I seem to forget even my own name. Can I help you with the dishes?”

 

The atmosphere seemed to improve after that and he only brought up the topic of marriage when my sister offered him to play cards.

 

“I will, but only if I don’t play against my fiancée.” He said. “I don’t want to anger her before the wedding.”

 

‘Fiancée’ was not a word we said in the Seam much. Nobody remains engaged for long and people go from being ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’ to being married. But maybe to a merchant, being engaged meant something different. You have given your word to marry like a business arrangement and that’s exactly what our marriage will be. Nevertheless, he said the word with such tenderness and care that the effect was completely different from what I had in mind.

 

We played cards in pairs and Peeta clearly let my sister and mother win. I was not good at card games, so I did not pay much attention, but he was so obvious that I found it laughable that Prim had not noticed.

 

When we were done, Peeta stood up and said it was time for him to leave. He had to wake up early. “I will be very busy tomorrow preparing everything, but I will send word what time we can meet at the City Hall on Saturday.”

 

“That would be great, Peeta.” My mother answered, as if she was used to her daughters getting married every other day.

 

“Mrs. Everdeen, there is one thing we have not talked about.” Peeta looked all serious and business-like again. It was like breaking the spell all of a sudden. My mother remained silent as did Prim.

 

“My house and bakery is made to be run by a family and I would really appreciate if you and Prim would come live with us. I will make sure you enjoy every comfort I can afford.”

 

Before my mother could answer Prim had a question. “What about Lady and Buttercup?”

 

“What?” Peeta asked perplexed. He clearly had no idea who Prim was talking about.

 

“Her nanny goat and cat. Don’t worry, Peeta, we will—” I started to explain.

 

“Great! Goat cheese is delicious, and a cat is good to keep the rats away.” Peeta added cheerfully.

 

“That is exactly what I think!” Prim squealed with delight and jumped up to embrace Peeta in a neck-breaking hug.

 

Peeta was quick enough to catch her and my mother did not have much to say, so it seemed to be settled. I couldn’t help but notice how well my sister’s hair blended with his. The three of them; my mother, Peeta and Prim, could be the perfect merchant family; blondes with blue eyes and fair skin. Peeta’s skin was more golden than my sister and mother’s but still they looked perfect together. They fitted. They made sense. I didn’t.

 

_Who was going to believe that golden man had fallen in love with the dark Everdeen girl?_

 

I didn’t care. Prim was going to be raised as a merchant. She would have a job in the bakery if she wanted one. Maybe she could even apply for college if her marks were good. She was not an almost-orphan child anymore. She would have a sister and a brother-in-law that could support her through college.

 

After that thought, nothing said or done could scare me away from my decision to marry Peeta. It was going to be worth it, if it meant Prim had a better future. I could do this for Prim. This and much more.

 

Prim finally let go and I opened the door while Peeta was saying his goodbyes. “I will be right back.” I said, before walking outside with him.

 

I closed the door but was sure that my mother and sister were going to be at the window, so I started walking in the direction of the merchant district to give us and our conversation some privacy. Peeta walked right next to me with his hands in his pockets. He suddenly looked shy, nothing like the Peeta I had seen in my house and with my family.

 

“What are you thinking?” He finally asked after some silence.

 

“They totally bought it. You are a great actor.”

 

“You did a great job too.”

 

I knew he meant the part where I had taken his hand and all that. I had showed him that I could ‘pretend’ too.

 

“I told you I could do it.” I said.

 

“Yes, you can. But you can do better.”

 

I looked at him. I knew I had a lot to learn but this was hard. He must know. “I am not a natural like you. But I will improve.”

 

“Yes, you will.” He said smiling. It was a sweet smile…hopeful even.

 

I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn’t, so I remained silent.

 

After a few minutes of silence, Peeta started the conversation again. “I will invite my brother and sister-in-law to the wedding, if that is okay.”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I replied.

 

“Is there someone you would like to invite?”

 

I thought for a while. “I will ask Madge and the Hawthorne’s.”

 

“Your neighbors?” He was frowning, which didn’t suit him.

 

“Yes, they are like family.” I answered flatly.

 

We kept walking without saying much, but he finally broke the silence. “Just one question, the eldest Hawthorne…”

 

“Yes?” I knew what he wanted to ask. I had been asked the same question for years. But I wanted him to say it.

 

“Are you and him…close?”

 

“We are best friends.” I answered truthfully.

 

“Have you ever… like… kissed?” I could sense this was hard for him, but I understood he needed to ask.

 

“You mean on the lips?” I wanted to see how much he could take.

 

“Yes.” He exhaled deeply. “I mean if you have kissed him on the lips, if you have ever dated.”

 

“You only had to ask Peeta.” I replied smiling.

 

_Was he jealous?_

 

“I have never dated.”

 

“Never? No one?” He asked surprised.

 

“Why is it hard to believe?”

 

Peeta was suddenly very nervous, and it was clear he was not expecting such a confession. “It’s not that, it’s just—”

 

My thoughts were running wild in that instant. _What was he thinking? Does he think I’d lie to him? I’ve never kissed anyone until today. Maybe he thinks I’m one of those Seam girls._

 

I did not want to hear any more. “I think I’ve walked enough for today.”

 

We both stopped but I could tell Peeta wanted to ask me one final question. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

 

“Do you want to see me tomorrow?” I brazenly asked.

 

He smiled again with all those perfectly straight teeth that even in the darkness seemed to shine. “Oh, yeah.”

 

“I will stop by before you close.”

 

“Okay.” He said.

 

For a moment, I thought Peeta was going to kiss me again. He looked nervous and started looking around, maybe trying to figure out if someone was watching us. But there was no one around, _thank God_ , so he turned around to walk home.

 

“Peeta!” I yelled before I could stop myself. I knew what I wanted to say and it took me a long time to say it. His piercing blue eyes looked at me with great intensity and I was captivated. Finally, I found the courage to say what I’ve been wanting to say all this time. “Thank you.”

 

He kept staring at me. Not smiling and there was a moment of silence before Peeta spoke. “It’s me who should be thanking you, Katniss.” His voice was soft and sincere as he stepped away and turned towards home.

 

My mother and sister were sitting on the sofa still in their best clothes, waiting for me to come back inside. They wanted to talk, but I didn’t want to hear it, so I went directly to my room. My mom got the message and went to bed, but my sister followed me.

 

We undressed to get ready for bed and Prim was silent for a while, but I could see she couldn’t stop smiling. Finally, she spoke. “You will make beautiful babies.”

 

Of all the things she could have said, that was the worst. However, I knew I had to pretend. I could not be the moody Katniss that was not interested in hearing about Peeta Mellark, so I forced some words out of my mouth and tried to smile.

 

“Blonde babies?” I said to make her laugh and it worked.

 

“Who cares? They’ll be yours and Peeta’s babies and I’ll love them whatever color their hair is.” She said excitedly, pushing the bed sheets over to climb in.

 

I joined Prim in her bed and she hugged me instantly. “I am going to miss sleeping with you.” She whispered in a small voice.

 

Prim and ‘small’ are two things that do not usually match, but this was probably the only thing that worried her. “I am going to miss you too, Little Duck.”

 

I noticed her smile in the darkness before I heard her remark. “Yeah, right.”

 

I tickled her, and we laughed for a while until we were both exhausted.

 

Still, it took me a while to finally drift off to sleep.

~~~~~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @juststella for your talent and hard work!
> 
> Thank you to all the readers who encourage me to keep going!

**Chapter 4  
**

 

The next day in the forest I suddenly think that maybe this will be my last day hunting. I am going to marry a merchant with a business. I would have to help him every morning and I was not sure if I would have the time to go hunting anymore. I felt weird somehow…sad even.

 

But I pushed those thoughts aside. I was getting married after all. I had lunch with Sae and then went to the tailor only to find Glimmer there, the wife of Peeta’s brother and my future sister-in-law. _What bad luck_.

 

When I last saw Glimmer, I was too nervous to notice how incredibly beautiful she is. Her blonde hair is all shiny and her figure is accentuated by the feminine clothes she wears. Peeta could marry a girl like this. His brother did and Peeta was more handsome than Graham.

 

Glimmer is stunning but what makes her even more beautiful is the little baby she has in her arms. Luke is three-months-old, and he looks exactly like a Mellark baby should look like; chubby, blonde, creamy white and happy. When I look at him, a cold, sharp pang fills my heart with regret.

 

_I could have a baby like this and I said ‘no’._

 

Glimmer does not allow me much time to brood, though. She screams with delight upon seeing me and gives me a hug, even with the baby in her arms. I can smell her perfume and Luke, who smells soft and plush.

 

“Oh my God! Katniss! The one person I most wanted to see. I can’t believe this is happening. Imagine Peeta coming to our house last night like a madman to tell us that you had said ‘yes’. I am so happy for you!”

 

Even though Glimmer did not seem to need much feedback from me I muttered a soft ‘thank you’ in between her sentences.

 

“… And here I am: trying to find something to wear tomorrow. I have been talking with Cinna about your dress. Can I see it?”

 

I shrugged, non-committal and trying not to appear rude. The dress was out before I could say more, and three people started pulling me towards the changing room to try it on one last time.

 

Portia entered with me to help me button it up and before going out, I finally took a good look at the dress. It was a classic white dress with long sleeves, some lace around the cleavage and a tight waist. I had never worn anything like this and I felt weird in it. However, I could see why Cinna had chosen it. I looked like myself…like the best version of me.

 

When I came out I heard Glimmer gasp, she was good at this for sure. For one second, I thought she knew it all. It was impossible to think she truly believed that Peeta and I had fallen in love in five days. Did she honestly think I was a good match for Peeta?

 

_Had Peeta told her the truth?_

 

If Glimmer knew, she was the best actress in the world. She complimented me in every way, gave me advice about what I should do with my hair and helped me choose a veil. She also offered to lend me her wedding shoes, something I was truly grateful for. I did not want Peeta to spend more money on something I was only going to wear for a couple of hours.

 

Glimmer insisted on driving me home, anxious that I would stain the dress somehow on my way home and I sincerely appreciated it. I would have felt a little embarrassed if people saw me walking around town with a wedding dress in my arms.

 

Before getting in the car, Glimmer put Luke in my arms and I had again that weird feeling. I was never going to have babies. I had always known that. Babies meant sacrifices, pain, tears and suffering. It had been hard enough to raise my sister. However, there was something about this baby that made me want to hug him and run home with him. His smell, his little hands, the way he smiled. He looked like Peeta somehow. I could have a baby one day, just like this one. The possibility was frightening.

 

Glimmer never stopped talking. She did not know where I lived so I had to guide her in between the long conversation. She did not look surprised to see my tiny and decadent house and behaved so naturally, as though she knew everything already. Glimmer took the baby from my arms so I could pick up the dress from the trunk of the car and I invited her to come inside. ~~~~

“Oh, yes. Just to say ‘hi’ to your mom. I haven’t seen her since Luke’s birth.”

 

Glimmer came in the house with the baby in her arms and my mother was so happy to see them both, praising Luke and offering to make some tea.

 

Prim was not home yet, which I really regretted because she loved babies, but the moment only lasted a couple of minutes. Glimmer assured us she had lots of things to prepare before tomorrow but promised to send Graham over in the morning with a pair of shoes for me.

 

Once Glimmer left, an eerie silence seemed to settle in the house. It was the first time my mother and I were alone in the house since my engagement announcement and I expected some awkward conversation. I avoided it by showing her the dress. She made me put it on and started trying some hair styles. We were bonding somehow, and it had been years since we had talked without Prim’s interaction. The moment was broken by a knock in the door.

 

“Who is it?” I shouted.

 

“Madge.”

 

My mother opened the door and Madge found me in my white dress in the middle of my tiny room. The moment I looked at her in the eyes I knew she knew. She knew this was all a lie. Her face said it all. But she was a good friend and played her part.

 

“Oh Gosh! If I weren’t seeing you right now… I would have never thought it possible. Mrs. Everdeen, what do you think of your daughter getting married tomorrow? This secrecy is so much like you, Katniss.”

 

“It is not a secret. It was just… fast.”

 

“Yeah, I bet it was. I can’t believe Peeta had the guts to finally ask you.”

 

It seemed like Madge had already spoken with Peeta, since she was confirming his story of how this all happened.

 

As expected, my mother wanted to know more about this. “Did you… know that he liked her?”

 

Again, Madge did a pretty good job. “The question is… who didn’t know? Everyone knew Peeta had a crush on your daughter…since forever. Right, Katniss?”

 

I blushed and tried to think of how to respond. I was not sure if I was going to play the part of the girl who had been waiting for him all along or that of the girl who had been delightfully surprised by a love declaration.

 

“It was not that clear for me…” I said, deciding it was best not to commit to anything.

 

Madge laughed and then started talking with my mom about dresses, hair and veils.

 

Prim arrived just when I was about to take off my dress and she almost cried when she saw me.

 

“OH MY GOD KATNISS!”

 

Her ecstasy was difficult to beat. She went out running for Rory and Vick and came back with the entire Hawthorne family, except for Gale, who was working.

 

“I told you!” Prim shouted. “They would not believe me! I told you Katniss is marrying the baker!”

 

Rory and Vick were annoyed by Prim’s victory but Posy seemed delighted to hear all that. Hazelle, however, was another story. She was a smart woman and not blinded like my mother was by maternal love. My mother could easily believe the most popular bachelor in town had been in love with me for years and was now marrying me, but Hazelle was a practical woman. She congratulated me and my mother but I knew she was not buying this.

 

Madge decided it was time to leave when the Hawthorne’s arrived; my house too small to accommodate so many people, and Hazelle also made the children leave saying she too was busy with dinner. I finally got out of the dress and looked at the clock. It was probably time to go visit Peeta.

 

I walked there in a haze. Not looking at anyone but being pretty sure I was being noticed.

 

_The Seam girl who had snatched the baker. What could he see in her? He could marry anyone. Why would he choose a small, dark and moody girl?_

 

The bakery was still open but there was no one inside. The moment the bell rang, Peeta appeared.

 

He was wearing his typical white undershirt and his apron on top. Peeta’s hair was messy as ever and he was covered in sweat, flour and sugar. He looked adorable and smelled delicious.

 

“Hello, Katniss.”

 

_The way he said my name sounded so different. What was wrong with my name on his lips?_

 

“Hello, Peeta.”

 

He looked at me in the eye for a moment, as if trying to understand me better.

 

_Maybe he was trying to know if he had chosen right._

 

“Have you heard the news?” He said, finally smiling.

 

“What news?” I asked confused.

 

“The baker finally asked the eldest Everdeen girl to marry him.”

 

I laughed, but my laugh turned into a snort and the exhale of breath somehow turned into a sob. It was as if, finally, everything I had been worried about and all the tension of the last days were too much and I could not stand it, so I started crying.

 

Just the idea of people believing his story was ridiculous, the idea of me living in this big house that smelled like food all the time was ridiculous, of having Peeta Mellark as my husband was even more ridiculous.

 

_How was I going to deal with all this?_

Peeta ran to me and hugged me, which only made it worse. His soft hands felt perfect against my back and his scent was intoxicating. My cheek was against his hard chest and it felt magnificent.

 

“I am sorry, Katniss, it was just a joke. People are buying it. Don’t worry. They believed it. I am great at this. Even Delly bought it.”

 

_Delly? Why mention Delly specifically? Was she the girl he bought a ring for? That did not make much sense, though. He had said he was not able to love Delly, so why buy a ring for her?_

 

I stopped that train of thought and stepped a little bit away from him, losing contact with his chest, but he still kept his arms around me.

 

“Who…?” I was finally able to speak “Who didn’t buy it?”

 

Peeta seemed to notice he was too close to me and stepped away. His arms were no longer around me and I was sad at the loss. He nervously ran a hand through his hair. ~~~~

“Well, your friend Madge, has her own theories, I am sure.”

 

Yeah, Madge knew better than to believe the baker was in love with me. As it usually happens after I cry, I was feeling a little bit better and started sweeping my tears away with the back of my hand.

 

Peeta’s hands were gently helping me wipe off my tears. I again had that feeling I got every time he touched me. Like my blood was running in all directions and an electric current surged through my spine.

 

“What is it…? Why are you so upset?” Peeta asked. I stared into his eyes and could see sadness there.

 

His hands stopped touching me and started disheveling his hair, which meant I was finally able to concentrate on something different than his touch. I tried to order my thoughts so as to be as honest as possible without offending him.

 

“I am not upset… just… overwhelmed.”

 

Peeta smiled but it was not a true smile. He still felt bad because of my teary outburst.

 

“Yeah, I know how you feel.” He said.

 

“Do you?”

“Do you want to back out? We are not married yet. I wouldn’t-” This was starting to become a habit of his, answering my questions with more questions.

 

“Stop!” I said. I could not even imagine that scenario. I was not going to do that. I was not going to leave him with this mess. “I am not backing out now. I will not do that to you.”

 

“You are not doing anything to me… I want…”

 

“You won’t be the merchant guy that got dumped by the Seam girl.”

 

He did not smile and asked me in a very small voice. “Then who will I be? The merchant guy who forced the Seam girl to marry him?”

 

I finally understood why he was so upset. Peeta was truly one of the best people I had ever known. He was truly worried about me, about me being unhappy in this marriage.

 

“No…” I said, more to myself than to him. “You will be the kind merchant guy who saved a Seam family because he fell in love with the wrong girl.”

 

Peeta did not respond to this. He remained silent, but I knew in his mind he had a hundred of things ready to say to me. He went to close the door of the bakery and then turned around signaling me to follow him.

 

“I need to show you something.”

 

We did not go to the kitchen, where we had so often shared tea and pastries. We went up the stairs in a space I had never seen before.

 

My house did not even have an ‘upstairs’. I thought he was going to show me around, but he did not.

 

We entered a bedroom which had a big bed with two nightstands on each end. This must be the master bedroom and I tried to imagine myself sleeping here, but it was simply impossible.

 

Peeta sat down on the bed and started taking off one shoe. That is when I started panicking.

 

_What was this about? Was he going to get naked? Did he want to…do it?_

Oh my God, I was pathetic. I could not even think about sex without blushing. Peeta took off his left shoe and then his left sock and I finally understood what this was all about. He wanted me to see his fake leg.

 

“You may think that you are the wrong girl but, have you even considered the possibility of me being the wrong guy?”

 

I shook my head, because I had never thought that and because I felt it was impossible for him to convince me he was on the winning side of this deal.

 

“I want you to see my leg the way it is right now.” He said. “It ain’t pretty.”

 

I nodded.

 

Peeta started rolling up his left leg pant and I saw the metal appearing. It looked very complicated, expensive and painful.

 

He kept rolling up his pant leg and I saw the belts that kept it together. I noticed that his hands were trembling.

 

_Was he really nervous about this? Did he really think something that stupid was going to creep me out?_

I kneeled next to him on the floor and tried to help him. I did not see his face but I knew he was not expecting that.

 

We finally made it and the fake leg separated from his flesh, showing a rosy limb, full with scars. As I imagined, there was nothing gross or scary about it. Just the most vulnerable part of Peeta, probably the one thing that made him think he did not deserve to find a normal merchant girl to marry and thought his only option was a poor Seam girl desperate to find the means to take care of her family.

 

_That leg was my salvation, my luck, my life._

 

“There is nothing to be ashamed of.” I said, breaking the silence. I looked up at him and put my hand on the uncovered flesh, tracing the scars with my fingers. “I am kind of disappointed, actually. Is this really the ugliest you can get?” I laughed.

 

Peeta finally smiled and his hand found mine. It was the hand of the ring. He brought it to his lips and kissed it.

 

“You are the best.” He said.

 

I understood the exchange was over and was about to stand up to leave when he said.

 

“Tomorrow… tomorrow we…” He started blushing, which was so unlike Peeta. “We need to really look in love.”

 

“Okay.” I acknowledged.

 

Peeta ran his hand through his hair again. I did not know this was a fixation of him. I kind of liked it. What did I not like about him? I stared at his face trying to find a fault.

 

“Do you want to rehearse?” He asked.

 

I was still studying his face, so I answered automatically. “Okay.”

 

Peeta had that intense concentrated look on his face. I was just starting to study his mouth when I saw him wet his lips and felt how he was coming closer to me, leaning in very slowly.

 

_Rehearse? Wait…what?_

Before I had time to prepare myself, his lips were on mine.

 

_Isn’t it stupid what a simple pair of lips can do?_

 

I felt faint. Breathing was suddenly a problem and my blood seemed to be everywhere except where it should be. His lips were soft and kind. He must have noticed that I had no idea of what we were doing and decided to take the lead and started moving.

 

I wrapped my arms around his neck, attempting to stabilize my stupid body but he took it as a sign to deepen the kiss, which meant his mouth opened, and he bit my lower lip ever-so softly, as if demanding entrance. A sound came from my mouth that I had never heard before. A shrill of pleasure ran all the way from my mouth to my toes.

 

I gave in to him and opened my mouth, letting the dizzying sensation take over me and at that moment, I would allow him to do whatever he wanted. I did not have the strength anymore to fight it, so I let go.

 

_Boy, did it feel good to let go._

 

Peeta’s hands were in my hair, pulling me closer to him, if that was possible. His tongue was savoring my mouth, his teeth softly biting my lips, his breath was hot and sweet, his scent intoxicating. A mixture of sweetness and musk enveloped me, and I felt like I was floating on a cloud.

 

_How easily a girl could fall in love with a boy like this._

That thought was the trigger to make me stop. I broke the kiss and opened my eyes, feeling still faint and weak. His eyes were dark.

 

I could not believe this all had happened while I was kneeling in front of him and he was sitting on his bed. I started blushing and stood up clumsily while he started knotting his leg again.

 

When I finally controlled my blush he stood up, still with his leg pant rolled up and said, “We’ll do that tomorrow and they will buy it.”

 

“Stop it!” I said blushing again.

 

Peeta laughed and I noticed how his mood had completely changed. He looked careless now, nothing to do with the nervous Peeta I had met downstairs.

 

“Can’t help it!” He said with one of those huge white straight teeth smiles he had. ~~~~

Before going down stairs, Peeta showed me the other rooms. It was striking to think my mother was going to sleep in Graham’s old room and that Prim was going to sleep in Peeta’s. But nothing was more striking than the thought of sleeping in a double bed with Peeta tomorrow night.

 

There was one more room free. Peeta said it was the guests’ room, but I felt a kind of lingering in his tone…a hopeful one. I knew what an empty room meant in the house of newlyweds, but I did not say anything. It was hard enough and I was probably imagining things. There was no way Peeta was really thinking about having kids…with me. After seeing the bathroom that Prim and my mother were going to share we went downstairs.

 

“So…” Peeta started. “The appointment is tomorrow at 4pm in the City Hall. I will close early and come pick you up.”

 

“No!” I exclaimed before I could stop myself. “I mean… you can’t see your bride before the wedding. It’s bad luck.” It somehow felt wrong to do it any other way. We were not going to uphold many wedding traditions but I did not want to see him until the wedding. He would probably do something to make me cry, shout or run away.

 

“Katniss…”

 

“I will be there at 4.” I remained stubborn.

 

“Okay, okay. I will be waiting for you.”

 

He suddenly became nervous again, running his hand through his hair and looking at the floor.

 

_Why was it always so difficult to say goodbye to him?_

 

It did not make any sense. I’ve never had any problem saying goodbye to my mother or Prim but with Peeta, it all felt wrong and awkward.

 

“After the wedding…” Peeta finally started, “We can come here to have some cake and then we could stay here…you know…get settled. Your mother and sister should bring their stuff too. Graham can go to your house tomorrow morning to pick up your things, if you like.”

 

This was definitely an uncomfortable subject. After the wedding we would be husband and wife. Just the idea of being Mrs. Peeta Mellark in 24 hours made me shiver.

 

“Okay.” I agreed. “We will have everything packed.”

 

It seemed this uncomfortable conversation was over, so I went to the back door knowing Peeta had already closed the front. Turning to say goodbye before opening the door, I suddenly noticed how close he was to me and I was overcome with a delicious feeling.

 

_I could nibble on him for days._

 

This time, Peeta just gave me a quick hug but I was unable to correspond. Exhausted with so many emotions, I allowed him to comfort me. The hug was brief and as soon as he stepped away I opened the door, scared he would do or say something that would make me cry again.

 

“See you tomorrow, Katniss.” Peeta said, noticing my mood change.

 

“I will wear something so that you can easily spot me.” That comment made him laugh, which had been my intention.

 

The sound of his laughter accompanied me all the way home but once there, I forgot about Peeta very soon. My mother and sister were in a hectic mood, cleaning everything and packing the very few things of value we had. Then we started ironing the clothes my mother and Prim were going to wear the next day and before I knew it was time to go to bed.

 

I noticed that my sister was in the mood to talk. She was way too nervous to sleep and started asking silly questions. “Have you written like wedding vows or something?”

 

“Of course not, Peeta told you it is not that kind of wedding.”

 

“But you will say ‘I do’ and all that, right?”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“What will we do afterwards? Will you just go home?”

 

“There will be some cake apparently.”

 

“Of course, Peeta would like to celebrate somehow. He is fun.”

 

“Oh, so you mean I'm not?” I tried to laugh.

 

“No, I mean…” she tried to explain. “He looks like he can’t wait to marry you. I am sure he wants to celebrate. Being in love with you for so long.”

 

I could hardly believe it. My sister had completely bought it. Prim truly thought the baker had miraculously noticed me while we were together in school and had this huge crush on me since then. She did really love me a lot to believe such a thing.

 

I remained silent and she finally asked. “Did you like Peeta while you were in school together?”

 

This was a complicated question. I had to decide what to say because it would be the story I was going to tell ‘till I died.

 

_Had I really noticed him before?_

 

Peeta and I had been in the same class since we were 5 years old, but we had never really talked much. He was one of the merchants, had a lot of friends and was the captain of the wrestling team once his brother retired. It looked like he did not have a single thing to worry about in the world.

 

_That was not how life had been for me._

 

Even though Peeta had always remained a kind figure in the merchant group, he belonged to a different sphere.

 

_Could someone really believe that I had been holding a candle for Peeta Mellark all this time?_

 

I had never dated anyone, even though some people thought there was something between Gale and I because of the time we spent together but time had proved them wrong. I met and spoke with more people during my time in the mines and even in town, it became clear I was not in any kind of relationship with Gale, other than friends.

 

Now Gale was actively looking for girls and I was marrying someone else, so yes, I guess I could say I had noticed Peeta before. He was an attractive guy after all, and me trading with his dad meant that I had seen him more often than the rest of the merchant kids…apart from Madge, of course.

 

“Of course I liked him, Little Duck!” I finally answered. Since we were already in bed, I started tickling her under the sheets, trying to placate her and her questions but she liked the conversation too much.

 

“But did you _like_ him?”

 

I sighed, knowing that this conversation was unavoidable, so better have it now. “Yes, I _liked_ him.” I answered, rolling my eyes.

 

Her eyes were wide. It was the first time we had had a conversation like this. “And he never said anything to you until he got back from the war?”

 

“Nothing at all.”

 

“Why?” I could understand how it was difficult for her to understand that a merchant guy as handsome as Peeta could have any doubt of being able to win the heart of a poor Seam girl like me.

 

“I guess I am not very approachable.” I tried to laugh to lighten the mood and Prim laughed too.

 

Just like that, I understood Prim was going to be fine with the story. She was going to believe it all and was going to accept Peeta’s food and money and would be okay about it because he was in love with me. She was going to study hard to go to college and one day become a doctor.

 

Prim still looked restless and I understood sleeping was going to be hard. “Do you want me to sing you to sleep?” I proposed.

 

Even though she was already a teenager, in the sacred space of our bed we still shared secret songs. Songs my dad used to sing that made my mother cry whenever she heard them.

 

Prim was always eager to hear me sing, so she snuggled against me and I started singing for her until she fell asleep.

 

It took me a while to finally fall asleep and when I did, I dreamed of Peeta.

 

We were together in the meadow, running around like children, innocent and happy. We fell down and rolled around the flowers. Peeta ended up on top of me and started kissing me softly, sensually. His hands seemed to be everywhere, in places I did not even know could feel that good. His curls were hanging around my forehead and his lips felt heavenly and devilish at the same time.

 

He opened his eyes and positioned himself to take a good look at me. The sun was shining through his blonde curls, his blue eyes and his gold skin. He looked like an angel. Or like a demon straight from hell to make all my nightmares come true: love, sex, children, suffering, heartbreak…

 

When I woke up the next day and went to the bathroom I noticed that my panties were wet. This was it. The realization hit me hard. I was dreaming about Peeta. I had not even married him, and I was already dreaming about him like a stupid teenager in love. I was so overwhelmed it took me a while to get out of the bathroom.

 

My family was quick enough to give me stuff to do and say. After breakfast I ended up in the tub and it took them an hour to decide that I was squeaky clean.

 

I was still in my robe having my fingernails cut when I heard the car outside. I changed quickly but still not as quick as Prim, who got to open the door and hug Graham as if they were old friends.

 

“Hey! How are you, honey?” He asked hugging her back.

 

“How is Little Luke?” She asked.

 

“So big! You won’t believe it when you see him today.”

 

“Yay! Do you think Glimmer will let me hold him?”

 

“Of course, she will be delighted.”

 

My mother stepped outside of the kitchen and Graham greeted her happily. “How are you doing, Mrs. Everdeen?”

 

“Today is a busy, busy day.”

 

“You’re telling me. I have been running errands all day for Peeta!”

 

“Is there anything we can help you with?” Mom asked.

 

“Can you help me put all these boxes in the trunk?”

 

Graham did not talk to me directly until he got a moment with me alone to give me Glimmer’s wedding shoes while my family was inside the house. “Are you okay?” By the way he was talking and his serious stare, I knew he knew this was a fake marriage and Peeta was not in love with me, he just needed someone to help him in the bakery. He probably disapproved, and perhaps preferred Peeta marry one of Glimmer’s friends for sure.

 

“Yes, I…” I hated myself for stuttering. “I am fine.”

 

“I can come by and pick you up around 3:50pm, if you like.” Graham asked.

 

“That would be great.”

 

My family was back, and his smile was back too. We had only a few boxes and some suitcases, proof of how meager our belongings were. They looked tiny and stupid in Graham’s beautiful car. If he noticed, it didn’t show. He waved us goodbye from the car as if he couldn’t wait to see us again.

 

Madge was the first one to come to my house. She arrived after lunch with lots of make-up, nail polish, hair tools and a bouquet of white roses from her garden. Her hair and make-up already looked perfect and I tried not to groan when she pointed out that she was going to ‘fix me’.

 

_What was the point after all? People were going to talk about me no matter what. No one really cared if I looked good or not and Madge was going to be there looking wonderful next to me._

 

My family and Madge were not of the same opinion as me. It took them almost three hours to decide on my hair, to apply my make-up, paint my nails and pin my veil in place.

 

Prim followed my mother into her room to change and Madge took the opportunity to finally speak in private. “I came here with another purpose too.” She was smiling slyly.

 

“I can imagine.”

 

“Take this.” She put something in my hand. “Hide it somewhere in your suitcase where your mom won’t find it.”

 

I took a look at the box she had given me, thinking it was a tobacco pack when I noticed it was a package of condoms. I had never seen a package like that before, but the logo was easy to recognize from the ads in the newspapers. I almost dropped it.

 

“Don’t be such a prude!” She said seriously. “I know you don’t want children.”

 

I felt weak, dizzy. I was not sure if I was mortified by the conversation or by the fact that sex with Peeta was a possibility soon. Maybe even tonight. _No, he would never do that._

 

“It’s not like that.” I answered weakly.

 

“I know.” Madge said smiling, confirming that she knew what this was wedding was all about. “But I want you to have them in case one day curiosity gets bigger than fear.”

 

I heard my family move around so I made haste to hide the condoms in my purse. Madge left soon after to change. She said she would be waiting for me in the City Hall. Not long after, I was ready, and the Hawthorne’s were there to greet us in their nicest clothes.

 

I had not seen Gale since the announcement of my wedding and I was scared of his reaction. However, he played his part well. He congratulated me politely, asked my mother if she had ever suspected anything and teased Prim about getting fat with all the bread she was going to eat.

 

Hazelle was more wary. She smiled and told me I looked beautiful but when her eyes made contact with mine it was clear that she was wondering what sort of joke this was. She was a wise woman after all.

 

The children were easily convinced. They danced around me and Prim with laughter and games and soon enough the visit was over and they were leaving for the City Hall.

 

Not long after that we heard a car horn honking outside. My mother and sister went out rapidly and gasped to see Graham had decorated the car with flowers. I saw it all from the window, too nervous and terrified to even take a step outside.

 

This was it. I was going to walk down the aisle and marry Peeta Mellark.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @juststella for your help with this hard chapter!
> 
> I hope you guys like it!

**Chapter 5 – draft 1**

 

I was about to marry Peeta Mellark, but before I had time to think more about it, my mother and sister rushed me out of the house, making sure my veil was on right and I was holding my bouquet correctly.

 

I stood outside the house petrified. A crowd of neighbors were gathered waiting for me. I had expected a few curious faces but didn’t expect that many.

 

It was one thing to have the Hawthorne’s looking at me warily, but it was another story to have all my neighbors there. They probably thought I had gotten myself pregnant.

 

Graham brought me out of my stupor when he came to me offering his arm to take. His face told me he was surprised too.

 

“I can’t wait for Peeta’s face when he sees you.” Graham whispered to me. His tone was so low and out of reach from my family’s hearing, making me think he only wanted me to hear. It didn’t fit with my theory of Graham knowing this was all a scam.

 

 

Again, thinking was not a priority. Graham escorted me to the car and opened the door for me while Prim and my mother helped me get in while saluting the neighbors.

 

My mother sat in the front seat next to Graham and Prim sat next to me, surrounded by my dress. Graham seemed to be the least nervous of us all. Even Prim was too nervous to talk.

 

“Well, Mrs. Everdeen, would you have ever believed your daughter was to marry the baker if you had been told a few years back?”

 

“It is truly a happy thing, but most unexpected.” Mom replied.

 

“Not that unexpected if you had heard my brother talk about Katniss. I knew it was a matter of time. But I truly did not expect this to happen so soon. Katniss, what do you say in your defense?”

 

I tried to answer in a humorous tone Graham was using, but I was sure I was not successful. “Who says he was the only one waiting?”

 

My mother and Prim laughed but Graham cracked an eyebrow and only half-smiled. Again, my theory was confirmed: _he knew the truth._

 

It was a short ride to the City Hall and once there, I knew how not ready I was to face this. A small group of people were gathered at the front door, clearly waiting for me, but Peeta was not one of them. _Good._ I did not want to see him until it was time.

 

Madge ran to help me get out of the car and fix my dress and veil. “Katniss, he is going to faint! You look so beautiful.”

 

“Oh my god Katniss! I’ve never seen…” Delly added.

 

“Come on, everyone inside. My brother is probably going to have a heart attack.” Graham happily announced.

 

Even I laughed. Prim and my mother stayed with me while everyone went inside.

 

“Ready to become Mrs. Mellark?” Prim asked.

 

All the doubts I had up until that moment immediately disappeared upon hearing Prim’s question. Being Mrs. Mellark was now a reality and the benefits of me becoming Peeta’s wife were far too extensive to be pondering about it. I felt ungrateful for the chance I had been given in life.

 

_I was going to provide a comfortable life for my family, wasn’t that all I had dreamt of since my dad had died? This had to be the happiest day of my life. Why was I moody and terrified?_

I smiled, and this time the smile was the first true smile of the day. “Let’s do this!” I said half laughing.

 

My sister entered first while my mother stood behind me to help me with the dress. We walked up the stairs and then I just followed Prim all the way to the big room where weddings took place.

 

The door was already open, and everyone was standing up and looking at us…at me. Peeta had invited more people than necessary, clearly. I could see old classmates but also a few older people that I imagined were daily customers of the bakery.

 

The aisle was short so only a few meters separated me from Peeta. His face was indescribable. It was a mixture of happiness, pleasure and incredulity. He was wearing a black suit, white shirt and black bowtie. I had never seen him more handsome.

 

I smiled even wider and focused on him. I avoided looking at all the guests, who were probably staring at me, with dubious thoughts about our happiness together.

 

Once I reached Peeta’s side I noticed who was going to marry us: Haymitch Abernathy was a popular person in town since he represented the state government in many ways. Most of the time he could be found drunk in a bar, but it seemed like he had found the time to stay sober and marry us on a Saturday.

 

Haymitch was an intelligent man and he knew everyone in town. I began to panic thinking maybe he would not allow us to marry knowing this was all fake. Before I had time to process that idea, Haymitch started talking.

 

“We are gathered here to witness the union of this couple. Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen have decided to marry. Are you coming here on your own behalf?”

 

“Yes, we are.” Peeta replied quickly. I repeated it a second later.

 

“Then, please, repeat after me. Peeta, you go first. Where are the rings?”

 

Graham appeared out of nowhere and held out two simple golden bands. Prim took my bouquet from my hands.

 

“With this ring…” Haymitch instructed Peeta to take my wedding band and repeat after him. With trembling hands, Peeta put the ring on my finger until it rested close to the promise ring that was meant for another girl and began.

 

“I, Peeta Mellark, take you, Katniss Everdeen, in sickness and in health as my beloved wife. I promise to be faithful and true to you and love you until death tear us apart.”

 

There was an eerie silence after Peeta pronounced his vows. I did not know what I was doing with my face but Peeta’s said it all: his smile was so wide, and his eyes were shinning like stars. He was mesmerizing.

 

Haymitch directed his attention to me. “Now it’s your turn, Katniss.” Graham held out Peeta’s ring for me to take just as Haymitch signaled me to repeat my vows.

 

I tried to look relaxed, but I knew my voice was trembling, just as much as my fingers were when trying to place the ring on Peeta’s finger. “I, Katniss Everdeen, take you, Peeta Mellark, in sickness and in health as my beloved husband. I promise to be faithful and true to you and love you until death tear us apart.”

 

It was difficult to say the last part. I was sure I was going to be faithful and true to Peeta, I would stick with him forever if I could. Sickness was not something I was scared about but love was. To promise to love him until one of us died was kind of a difficult. My thoughts were stopped when Haymitch announced:

 

“I declare you husband and wife. You may kiss now.”

 

Kissing Peeta was scary enough but kissing him in front of all these people was simply mortifying. Peeta, however, had not lost his smile. He did everything so naturally, it looked like he had been rehearsing this moment for years.

 

One of Peeta’s arms circled my waist while his other hand rested under my chin, I guess to make sure I did not run away. I focused on his face and noticed he was getting closer to me slowly, giving me time to process all this.

 

His lips were soft at first, it looked like this was going to be like the first kiss he gave me at the back door of the bakery: a kiss to make sure people understood we were together. But, the kiss suddenly transformed when he lifted me up, making me circle my arms around his neck so as not to fall. That made the kiss deeper somehow. I gasped when he bit my lower lip and smiled in the kiss, if that was possible.

 

I heard people chuckling around us and when Peeta put me down, even Haymitch was grinning. I did not know that man could smile at all.

 

“Come here and sign.” Haymitch said pointing to a book he had on the table behind him.

 

I saw my name written next to the word “Wife” and started sweating. Graham and my mother were our witnesses and they signed first, then Peeta.

 

My hand was trembling when signing and then it all seemed to be clear. All the doubts and questions were flying away. There was no way back, only forward. I was now Katniss Mellark, wife of Peeta Mellark. ~~~~

Graham embraced Peeta in a tight hug and whispered congratulations over his shoulder. He looked sincere. My mother also hugged me, and I noticed she had tears around her beautiful blue eyes.

 

“I am so happy for you.” She said and there was one good thing about my mother: she was an incurable romantic. This rushed wedding and life-long crush was probably her idea of love.

 

Graham crashed me a tight hug and whispered in my ear. “He is a lucky guy indeed.”

 

Again, that type of comment did not fit with my theory that Graham knew the truth. However, everyone played their part so well, this all looked genuine.

 

The hall was empty when we finished hugging and congratulating each other. Even Haymitch had some kind words for us. Peeta took my arm and made me walk to the door, where everyone was waiting for us to cheer and throw flowers at us. Peeta laughed and when the moment was over he said:

 

“Come over to the bakery! There is cake and wine to celebrate!”

 

I suddenly noticed there were more people outside than in the ceremony. Some faces were clearly just curious people who wanted to know what was going on, while some were there clearly to have something to talk about later. I saw Clove among them with Foxface. Their faces expressed how mad they were. Nevertheless, most of the people seemed to be happy for us and when Peeta took me in his arms and kissed me again softly, they cheered. ~~~~

_Will this kissing ever feel normal?_

 

I sincerely doubted it.

 

Graham had the car ready for us and opened the door signaling us to enter. Peeta again repeated his invitation and people started walking towards the bakery.

 

My mother and Prim walked to the bakery since they did not want Glimmer to walk with the baby. She sat next to Graham in the front seat and Peeta and I sat at the back.

 

Peeta did never stop holding my hand. He looked at our joined hands, with our rings yelling to the world that we were married. He had not stopped smiling either. “I did it Graham!” He almost shouted to his brother. “I married this girl!”

 

_So, this was how it was going to be: Peeta would never acknowledge the true reasons why he had married me, not even to his brother._

 

“Yes, you did, brother!” Graham shouted back, honking his car horn at the same time.

 

The sound startled Luke, who started crying and Glimmer scolded at Graham. Peeta again hugged me and kissed my forehead, taking advantage of the distraction before murmuring in my ear. “Tell me when it is too much, and I will stop.”

 

His soft voice in my ear did things to my body that I could hardly comprehend. A shiver ran from my ear to the pit of my stomach and his hands around my waist only made it worse. I was unable to respond so I just nodded.

 

The car stopped, and I noticed we were not in front of the bakery. “What? Where are we?” I asked.

 

Peeta’s smile was embarrassed, as if he knew he was going to say something I was going to hate. “I am sorry but, well, Glimmer insisted, and I thought it was not such a bad idea…” Peeta helped me out of the car and I saw we were in front of a photography studio.

 

“This is a present for you, Katniss, I could not stand the thought of you guys not having a picture to remember this day.” Glimmer said.

 

I was pushed by my new sister-in-law to get in the studio, where the photographer was already waiting. Peeta was clearly just as uncomfortable as me. I had never had my picture taken so I did not know what to expect.

 

Luckily for us, it was all done very fast. We stood next to each other. Me holding the bouquet and smiling and Peeta just behind me. I saw a flash and we were done. I blinked and heard Peeta’s voice in my ear. “It was a good idea. I have never seen you more beautiful.”

 

As it usually happened when I received a compliment, I frowned, but he took my hand so that I had to look at him. “It is true! Have you even looked at yourself?” He made me walk to the mirror of the studio and I saw my reflection.

 

I really hadn’t paid too much attention before leaving the house. I was so nervous I did not really assimilate that I was a bride…a beautiful bride: The dress fitted me perfectly, the make-up was impeccable, and my hair looked shiny and elegant. However, what made me look so different was my countenance. I looked hopeful and excited and that feeling complimented me better than anything else.

 

“Come one, lovebirds! Your guests are waiting for the cake!”

 

The car ride to the bakery was very short. Our guests were already there waiting for us and Graham opened the door to let them in while Peeta helped me out of the car. Something unexpected happened, or at least unexpected for me: Peeta swept me off my feet and took me in his arms to cross the threshold of the bakery.

 

Our guests were laughing, especially seeing my surprised face. I put my arms around Peeta’s neck, but it seemed unnecessary. Again, it looked like he had been preparing for this moment for a very long time. We crossed the threshold and he finally put me down and kissed me again softly before shouting to the small crowd.

 

“Who wants some cake?”

 

Peeta ran to the back of the bakery followed by his brother and some people came to me to shake my hand and offer their congratulations. I saw Prim holding Luke with a huge smile on her face while my mother was talking with Glimmer. I heard the word “picture” and understood what they were talking about.

 

Once I had been congratulated by almost everyone, Peeta and his brother came out from the back of the bakery with a huge wedding cake, all white and beautiful and decorated with the letters ‘K’ and ‘P’.

 

Glasses were passed around and suddenly we all had sparkling wine in our hands and I was pushed by Madge to stand close to Peeta. It was a good thing I had someone who would tell me what I was expected to do and when.

 

“You can cut it first, if you like.” Peeta said to me, handing me a sharp knife.

 

It was truly so beautiful it felt bad to cut it. _When did he have the time to make this?_

 

“It is beautiful, Peeta, thank you.”

 

He placed himself behind me and helped me hold the knife while whispering in my ear. “You are welcome, baby.”

 

Again, the shivering had me petrified. Thank God Peeta moved my hands with his as we both cut the cake together, perfectly. We started serving the cake and then Peeta raised his glass to make a toast while he had his arms around my shoulders.

 

“Thank you, for being here today with us. I have been looking forward to this day for a lot longer than I care to admit and I am happy you are all here celebrating with us.”

 

_Should I say something now?_

 

Thank God, Graham saved the day. “A toast for the newlyweds!”

 

Everyone raised their glasses and I drank some sparkling wine for the first time in my life. It tasted delicious. Peeta took my chin again with his left hand and kissed me again, this time with more energy, more excitement than before. I let go again, I let him do whatever he wanted and ran my fingers through his hair, feeling a crazy fluttering in my stomach and heart. He broke the kiss with a smile and then fed me a small piece of cake, which was delicious.

 

Peeta was trying to be a good host, moving around and mingling with people, making sure everyone ate and drank.

 

In one of the rare quiet moments where no one was talking to me, I noticed Gale and Madge whispering in a corner. They did not look happy and something about their demeanor made me think they were in the middle of an argument.

 

_What could these two have to fight over?_

 

I was interrupted by Prim, who had her cheeks full of cake and wanted me to eat more. Not long after that, Prim left and Gale was next to me looking like he wanted to have the conversation we had been avoiding for days. “So, Mrs. Mellark, is this what you wanted?”

 

“That and more.” I said, ready to defend my decision, if necessary.

 

He smiled but there was pain behind it. It looked like he was worried about me and he did not know how to deal with those feelings. Not being able to do anything now. “Was it really necessary?” He asked. “If you needed help I could have…”

 

I stopped Gale at that point. I did not want to hear what he had to say. He would never understand my situation. He was a man with lots of possibilities ahead of him. He could pick any job, he could save money and start a business. Being a woman, my best option out of the Seam was marrying the baker. I was damned lucky having been offered this opportunity and I did not regret it at all.

 

“He is great, Gale, don’t worry about me.” I said, hoping he would not continue.

 

“But can you be his wife? Do you know what that means? Did you hear what Haymitch said about forever?”

 

Before I had time to answer him Madge was there with us and took Gale by the arm, in a familiar way that seemed weird. I had never seen them interact until today.

 

_Was Gale good at climbing trees? Maybe I had found the reason why Madge had sudden headaches and locked her bedroom door._

“Gale, come eat some cake and let the rest of the guests talk with the bride.”

 

Gale shrugged her off and was about to leave when Peeta came up behind me, kissing the top of my head and wrapping his arms around my waist to hug me. I felt again that strange flutter in my stomach.

 

“Am I not the luckiest bastard on Earth?” His question was clearly directed at Gale. Peeta was looking at him intently, as if he had seen our exchange and now he wanted to gauge his reaction. I had not expected Peeta to be the jealous type.

 

Gale smiled politely and said. “You are. You don’t deserve her.”

 

“Who does?” Peeta said kissing my cheek this time, very close to my ear, so close it made me shiver and close my eyes.

 

I could not help but blush and Gale focused on me, smiling even wider. “Take good care of her.” Gale said, making it clear he did not want to say anything else. He left, and Madge followed him looking annoyed.

 

Peeta kept holding me from behind and whispered again in my ear softly kissing my neck in between his words. “I am sorry, I couldn’t help it… I saw him talking to you and…I imagined what he was saying. I had to come here and help you out…but I am not sure I…” He trailed off.

 

My knees became weak, and I felt faint again, but I somehow managed to stay standing and turned around to avoid more shivering coming from his whispering and kisses.

 

_Peeta had said that I should tell him when it was too much. When was too much? When I fainted?_

 

Turning around did me no good either, I could see his bright happy face and his smile, full of excitement. It was hard not to stare at him, he was hypnotizing. “You look beautiful.” He said, looking at me.

 

I blushed, and his face changed, as if he regretted saying anything, as if the compliment had slipped from his lips. “I am sorry, I know you don’t like compliments, but you do...look beautiful. Really.”

 

I did not want him to think I was that inflexible about compliments, so I tried to smile sincerely. “Thank you.”

 

Peeta took my hand in his again and kissed my knuckles. This was his way of asking if everything was okay. I smiled. Everything was indeed okay.

 

People started leaving until only the family remained. I got to hold Luke while my mother, Glimmer and Prim did the dishes and Graham and Peeta prepared a quick snack for all of us.

 

“Mrs. Everdeen, what do you say if I give you a ride home?” Graham asked when we were done eating.

 

I did not speak but realization hit me hard: my family was not moving in today. They were sleeping at the Seam, probably to give us some privacy on our first night as husband and wife. I think I started hyperventilating. Thank God I was holding a baby and I could hide my nervousness behind him. They were all deciding final moving-in arrangements and Peeta was part of it all, thanking everyone and walking them to the door.

 

Glimmer took the baby from my arms and then hugged me. Lots of hugging came along after that but no one hugged me as tightly as Prim. “I will miss you.” She said, and I knew what she meant. Our tiny bed, our secret songs, our tingling. That was all over now.

 

“I will miss you too.” I whispered back in her hair.

 

I saw my family get in Graham’s car and waved them goodbye, trying to make time before facing reality. Me and Peeta were alone.

 

You can’t escape reality for long. It comes after you soon enough. The door was closed, and I was still in my wedding dress and ready to be bedded by my new husband. If he noticed I was nervous he pretended not to. “Come on up, you must be tired.”

 

My mother had taken off my veil, but it was still hard to go up the stairs with the wedding dress. “Do you need help?” He asked.

 

I shook my head while walking up the stairs as best I could. Peeta had lit the master bedroom and there was a nightgown lying on the bed. It was not mine, it was new, shiny white and lacey. Just the thought of wearing that in front of Peeta made me sick.

 

“I’m sorry. That was Glimmer’s idea. Oh, god, I’m so sorry.” Peeta looked red like a beetroot while he hid the nightgown in a drawer and then started looking for something in the other drawers. He finally found a more suitable nightgown, an old cotton one I usually wore during the summer. “Is this okay?” He asked.

 

I nodded and started taking pins off my hair, one by one.

 

“Let me help you.” He offered.

 

Peeta started removing the pins from my hair very slowly. I could feel his breath on my neck and the warmth of his body began to radiate through mine leaving me with a giddy feeling inside.

 

His hands worked efficiently and soon my hair was loose across my shoulders and back. “Thank you.” I said, hoping he would now let go of me.

 

But he didn’t. Peeta was gently combing my hair with his fingers to disentangle it. It was something my mother or my sister would do, only it felt different with him doing it.

 

I turned around to face him, thinking about a polite way to make him leave the room while I changed but his face stopped me. His expression was again that focused one that I had seen before, as if he was really concentrated on something.

 

“I have never seen you with your hair down.” He said plainly, as if that could explain his weird demeanor.

 

It was probably true. I always had my hair in a braid or up, even for the mayor’s dance. This was the first time Peeta was seeing me like this. Well, now that he is my husband, he should get used to it.

 

“Can you get out of your dress by yourself or do you need help?”

 

The idea of Peeta helping me out of my dress sent a shiver all the way down my spine, where a line of buttons that I could not reach was waiting to be unbuttoned. I resigned myself. What difference did it make? Underwear or nightgown? He was going to see all that if we were going to sleep in the same bed.

 

I turned around again and threw all my hair over my shoulder so that he could see the line of buttons running from my neck to my waist. When he started unbuttoning, I began to blush, and my breathing came out more rapidly than usual. It had not been difficult to breathe in that dress until then. The palpitations of my heart were so loud I was sure he must have heard them. I tried to find something in the room to focus on and then I saw the mirror.

 

It was on top of the dresser and I could see both our reflections. Peeta’s hands were trembling and his face was difficult to describe. It looked like he was in pain.

 

_Was he just as mortified as me by this?_

 

He looked so natural in everything he did, as if this was all so normal. He had probably been with lots of girls, so he knew how to touch, how to hug, how to kiss. But still, now in the intimacy of our bedroom he looked like a timid teenager, too shy to even look at me in the eye.

 

Little by little, the buttons were separated from their companions and I started feeling my skin exposed. If Peeta saw anything, he didn’t say, even though through the mirror, I saw how red his face was. When he finished, he turned to leave. “You can sleep here tonight, and I will sleep in the guest’s room.” He added.

 

Something inside me moved, and I wanted to prevent him from leaving. “That is not necessary. I should sleep in the guest’s room.”

 

“I won’t allow that. You are not a guest here. This is your home now.”

 

_My home. Could he really want me to feel at home here?_

 

My debt to him could never be repaid but at least I could try. “Neither are you a guest here. My family will be sleeping here tomorrow, what is the point of avoiding this?”

 

He looked at me and spoke very softly. “I want you to be comfortable here.”

 

I laughed softly. _How exactly am I supposed to be comfortable while holding my dress so that it does not fall on the floor of the master bedroom, on my wedding night?_

 

“Well, that is hard to achieve right now. Let me get changed and come back in a while.”

 

Peeta complied happily, like he always did. He closed the door and I was alone in that comfortable bedroom. I got out of my clothes as fast as I could and then I put on my nightgown. I looked at myself in the mirror where I had seen Peeta’s hands trembling and noticed that I was wearing lots of make-up. ~~~~

Peeta and I had a bathroom in our bedroom. The idea of us sharing a bathroom scared me. I thought about waking up every morning hearing the shower, knowing his naked body would be behind the bathroom door.

 

I shook my head and started scrubbing the make-up off my face. Once I was done, I looked at myself for a second. I felt like myself again: clean face, old nightgown and untidy hair. The only thing that was different were the two rings now on my finger. Two gold rings that did not suit the Seam girl I used to be.

 

_Now I am the baker’s wife, I am merchant by marriage._

 

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. When I opened the door, I found Peeta wearing navy blue pajama pants and his trademark simple white undershirt.

 

I was again mesmerized by how soft and gold his skin looked, even in the darkness. His scars were shiny, proving all that he had been through. His head was down, as if he did not want to look at me.

 

“Are you decent?” He chuckled.

 

He had a sense of humor. That could be helpful for us. “As decent as I could ever be. Please, come in.”

 

He finally looked up, his eyes were happy, his smile wide.

 

“Thank you.” Peeta said entering the bedroom. He had his wedding clothes under his arm. “Well, let’s forget about these clothes until Prim’s wedding.”

 

Peeta laughed while closing the wardrobe and then saw me there standing in the middle of the room, with nothing to do but to observe him. He stopped laughing at once. I guessed my serious face did not help, so I tried to smile.

 

“Which side of the bed do you prefer?” I asked.

 

He did not hesitate to answer. “Whichever you don’t like.”

 

Kind Peeta again wanted me to be comfortable. _Wasn’t that what he had said?_

 

I looked at both sides of the bed, one of them facing the door and the other the window. Peeta was a baker so he would probably be used to waking up early and out of the door in no time. The door suited him best.

 

I walked to the side of the window and sat down on the bed, crossing my legs, too nervous to lie down.

 

“Aren’t you tired?” He chuckled again, getting comfortable on the bed.

 

I shook my head. “Are you opening the shop tomorrow?”

 

“The day after my wedding? What kind of husband would that make me?” I blushed, just thinking about the word ‘husband’. “Besides…” He continued. “I never open on Sundays.”

 

“So…” I tried to make conversation, hoping my nerves would go away. “What do you usually do on Saturday nights?”

 

“I go to parties and stare at girls.” He laughed again and winked. I guess he wanted to make me even more nervous.

 

I took a pillow and threw it at him softly, just like I usually did with Prim. “Be serious!” I demanded.

 

“Okay, okay.” He said, again laughing. “I don’t want to suffer more pillow attacks.”

 

“So…”

 

“I usually read or paint.” He simply said.

 

Even though I tried not to, I think I looked surprised by such an honest and simple reply. I didn’t know what to expect.

 

“What do you do on Saturday nights?” He asked back.

 

Reading was not an option at home. We only had three or four books. I had borrowed books from Madge in the past so, I tried to answer as honestly as possible. “I spend most of my free time with Prim…Or Madge…Or Gale.”

 

He frowned when hearing Gale’s name. _Was he jealous?_ It was funny to think that Peeta really thought Gale was somehow a threat.

 

_A threat to what? Our fake marriage?_

 

“What kind of things do you do with them?” He asks curiously.

 

“Oh, different things. With Prim we talk about school, I help her with her homework, we play games—”

 

“What type of games?”

 

“I don’t know… cards and things like that.” I reply.

 

“Okay, and what do you do with Madge?”

 

“We talk about girl stuff.” The moment I said it, I regretted it.

 

He grinned, and his eyebrows crooked with interest. “Girls’ stuff?”

 

“Yes, you know.”

 

“I don’t know actually.”

 

“Books, movies, clothes, that kind of thing.”

 

“Did you ever talk about boys with Madge?”

 

The truth was that boys had never been a topic between Madge and me. She did not seem interested in anyone in town and I was most definitely, not interested in anyone in town… until…

 

“Well, at the dance we did talk about boys.” I said, deciding I could maybe get some information from this conversation.

 

“Oh really?” He quirked.

 

“Yes, we talked about you, actually.”

 

His eyes and smile were wide with bewilderment.

 

“Did you?” He asked.

 

“Yeah, she wanted me to keep talking with you. Do you have any idea why she should have such an interest?”

 

His face changed completely, blushing a deep red and looked down, avoiding my gaze.

 

“She likes to play matchmaker, I guess.” He answered in a tone that meant he did not want to keep talking about it. But I did.

 

“She never showed any interest in finding me a boyfriend before.”

 

“Maybe she thought I was the one who needed help.” He said and stood as soon as he said it.

 

“What sort of help?”

 

“I need to go to the bathroom.” Peeta rushed towards the door.

 

I was alone again with my thoughts. Peeta had made it clear he did not want to talk about ‘before the wedding’. _If that was even a thing._

 

The entire house was silent. You could not hear anything apart from some grasshoppers outside. I heard the toilet flush, the rush of water from the bathroom sink then finally, the door of the bathroom opened and Peeta switched off the lights. I kept my eyes closed, laying on my side, pretending to be asleep, hearing him move around the room to open the window letting in a light autumn breeze.

 

Peeta sat on his side of the bed and I heard the same mechanical sound I heard when he first showed me his prosthetic leg and how he removed it. He laid down and after a short while, fell asleep. His breathing was the most distracting thing in the world and I became mesmerized by the sound until I, too, fell asleep.

 


End file.
